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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Mother
Mothers
Hands
Comedian
Mothering
Two
Humorous
Parental
Come
Mom
Hilarious
Work
Evolution
Mum
Really
Works
Mama
Baby
Parenting
Funny
Motherhood
More quotes by Milton Berle
I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
Milton Berle
I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
Milton Berle
Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
Milton Berle
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
Milton Berle
Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
Milton Berle
For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
Milton Berle
You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
Milton Berle
I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
Milton Berle
Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
Milton Berle
It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
Milton Berle
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Milton Berle
One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
Milton Berle
