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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Loses
Witty
Hours
Humorous
Funny
Meetings
Inspirational
Keeps
Time
Laughter
Group
Groups
Committee
Minutes
Committees

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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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