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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Loses
Witty
Hours
Humorous
Funny
Meetings
Inspirational
Keeps
Time
Laughter
Group
Groups
Committee
Minutes
Committees

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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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