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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Change
Positive
Knock
Doors
Encouraging
Motivational
Senior
Powerful
Initiative
Success
Determination
Opportunity
Inspiring
Seekers
Inspirational
Door
Knocking
Doesn
Build
Graduation

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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
Milton Berle