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I've been selfish over the years, and other people who have made it have too, but I can only speak for myself.

Mike Birbiglia

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Mike Birbiglia
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: June 20
Actor
Comedian
Executive Producer
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Selfish
Speak
Made
Years
People

More quotes by Mike Birbiglia

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I try to think up material that might apply to the subjects they are studying. How many mitochondria does it take to power a cell? One. Because mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell. Not ready for prime time, that one.
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Art is socialism but life is capitalism.
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I've read that Steven Wright's style was born out of genuine nervousness.
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Two Drink Mike enjoys dancing and knows a magic trick. Whereas, No Drink Mike enjoys biographies, and has serious opinions on wildlife. And Five Drink Mike... dances with wildlife.
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Sometimes, when you want to be in a place so badly, you'll do anything.
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When I made 'Sleepwalk with Me,' many people asked me if was a novelty thing, a one-off. But this is the goal, I'm just hitting it 12 years after I thought I would.
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Someone stole my wallet last week. The guy called me up and he was mad at me. He was like 'you gotta get your finances together. You got no cash, your credit cards are maxed out. You don't even have minutes on your calling card. I had to use my card to call you.'
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I'm a whitebread cracker. That's my favorite white person slur: whitebread. The other day, someone came up to me and said, What's up, whitebread? And I was like, That's not even an insult. That's just my race plus a food. I can do that, too, black bean soup! Stay out of this, Asian chicken platter!
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I have this habit of asking 'why do you want to do it?' and then interrupting them to say, 'here's why you want to do it.' Because it's in the 'yes...and' spirit [rule of improvisation].
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The list of fun and easily fixed brain diseases is very short.
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Fortunately, I don't talk about politics on stage.
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Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.
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I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an effective use of time.
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So I went to a club the other day, which is timely because my self esteem had been hovering right around 'normal' and I had been meaning to knock it down to negative 1000.
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I went to the doctor, and they found something in my bladder. And whenever they find something, it's never anything good like, We found something in your bladder AND IT'S SEASON TICKETS TO THE YANKEES!!
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I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.
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What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.
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All techniques of comedy are valid and interesting to me.
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I couldn't recommend more that people put themselves in a situation where they can see a lot of work that they admire, and for free.
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I almost can't even put to words how happy I am that I got married.
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