Quote

I went to the doctor, and they found something in my bladder. And whenever they find something, it's never anything good like, We found something in your bladder AND IT'S SEASON TICKETS TO THE YANKEES!!

Mike Birbiglia

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Mike Birbiglia
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: June 20
Actor
Comedian
Executive Producer
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Like
Went
Yankees
Funny
Tickets
Found
Doctor
Anything
Season
Find
Seasons
Something
Whenever
Good
Doctors
Never
Humor
Bladder

More quotes by Mike Birbiglia

Image
Sometimes when I do a joke and it doesn't get a lot of laughs, it kind of feels like I'm doing jazz. That's kinda cool because jazz is cool, but sometimes jazz sucks ... Maybe I'm the Kenny G of comedy.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
I almost can't even put to words how happy I am that I got married.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
I think spending a lot of time with my mom, who's a talker and a storyteller, and my dad, who has kind of a soft-spoken, understated sense of humor, I think that's how I became what I am, which is sort of an understated storyteller.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
The list of fun and easily fixed brain diseases is very short.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
I think the reason why I'm so alluring to networks is because on the surface I'm like a quintessential relatable, boring white guy. A great many sitcoms have been anchored by a boring white guy, so I feel like what they want to mine from me are my more generic qualities.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
What I write is emotionally honest and truthful as the human experience can be, to make people feel less alone, or at least that's the hope.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
Alienation, I suppose, can't be hackneyed because it will always exist.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
A girl offered me E at the club. 'Have you ever done E?' 'I watch E.'
Mike Birbiglia
Image
I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an effective use of time.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
How many people do you know who have thrown up on the Scrambler or a carnival ride? A lot of people, is the answer.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
I feel like people have more in common than the news reports.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
Success is fleeting. It may not have to do with you but how your work is received.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
...And so we go and I meet his parents. And it's a very strange thing meeting your girlfriend's boyfriend's parents for the first time. Part of you is angry for obvious reasons and part of you still wants to make a good impression. On a side note, they seemed in perfect health.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
Two Drink Mike enjoys dancing and knows a magic trick. Whereas, No Drink Mike enjoys biographies, and has serious opinions on wildlife. And Five Drink Mike... dances with wildlife.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, Do you guys hate me?
Mike Birbiglia
Image
I thought if I could do stand-up comedy well enough, I could parlay it back into films - like Charlie Chaplin and Woody Allen did. They merged principles of comedy and drama together, and that's what my first film really was, a stab at that kind of comedy.
Mike Birbiglia
Image
Awkwardness and feeling alienated are always going to be a part of comedy.
Mike Birbiglia