Quote

I was made to believe that my life was going to be fixed and it wasn't. I'm still the same loser who had flown to Los Angeles on my sister's frequent flier miles just six days before.

Mike Birbiglia

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Mike Birbiglia
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: June 20
Actor
Comedian
Executive Producer
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Believe
Humor
Flown
Life
Wasn
Frequent
Days
Angeles
Funny
Loser
Stills
Sister
Still
Fixed
Going
Miles
Made
Six
Flier

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Our fear leads us to say no all the time.
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Success is fleeting. It may not have to do with you but how your work is received.
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Backup dancers are completely respectable. They're the studio musicians of dance.
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I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an effective use of time.
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My family isn't really Italian. We're more like Olive Garden Italian.
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I try to think up material that might apply to the subjects they are studying. How many mitochondria does it take to power a cell? One. Because mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell. Not ready for prime time, that one.
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I think spending a lot of time with my mom, who's a talker and a storyteller, and my dad, who has kind of a soft-spoken, understated sense of humor, I think that's how I became what I am, which is sort of an understated storyteller.
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Fortunately, I don't talk about politics on stage.
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I feel that marriage can lead to the ultimate rejection and failure and divorce and things we all fear.
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Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have plans.
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I performed for the U.S. troops in Guantanamo Bay. And signed autographs for people who've been gone from America for so long they didn't realize that I'm not famous.
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Does anyone know a word that rhymes with shark?
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I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.
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How many people do you know who have thrown up on the Scrambler or a carnival ride? A lot of people, is the answer.
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Two Drink Mike enjoys dancing and knows a magic trick. Whereas, No Drink Mike enjoys biographies, and has serious opinions on wildlife. And Five Drink Mike... dances with wildlife.
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What I write is emotionally honest and truthful as the human experience can be, to make people feel less alone, or at least that's the hope.
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I'm walking out my door to get like a Snapple, and someone's like 'yo man, you want to buy some heroin?' 'No... got any Snapple?'
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I'm a whitebread cracker. That's my favorite white person slur: whitebread. The other day, someone came up to me and said, What's up, whitebread? And I was like, That's not even an insult. That's just my race plus a food. I can do that, too, black bean soup! Stay out of this, Asian chicken platter!
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There are so many people who are clever. There are 8000 people at Princeton who are more clever than the three of us at this table. BUT, we have the ability to give something that they don't have...which is us.
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I always try to attack the most honest issues I can in my comedy.
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