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I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, Do you guys hate me?
Mike Birbiglia
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Mike Birbiglia
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: June 20
Actor
Comedian
Executive Producer
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Every
Guys
Humor
Wants
Pot
Guy
Sentence
Funny
Hang
Hate
Sentences
Ends
Smoke
Around
Anymore
More quotes by Mike Birbiglia
I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans.
Mike Birbiglia
I think Mitch Hedberg is one of the great comedians of the past 20 years.
Mike Birbiglia
You can express love by calling out the truth out of the situation as opposed to dancing around it.
Mike Birbiglia
You can always tell who went to catholic school, because they're atheists.
Mike Birbiglia
So I went to a club the other day, which is timely because my self esteem had been hovering right around 'normal' and I had been meaning to knock it down to negative 1000.
Mike Birbiglia
A girl offered me E at the club. 'Have you ever done E?' 'I watch E.'
Mike Birbiglia
I performed for the U.S. troops in Guantanamo Bay. And signed autographs for people who've been gone from America for so long they didn't realize that I'm not famous.
Mike Birbiglia
I'm a whitebread cracker. That's my favorite white person slur: whitebread. The other day, someone came up to me and said, What's up, whitebread? And I was like, That's not even an insult. That's just my race plus a food. I can do that, too, black bean soup! Stay out of this, Asian chicken platter!
Mike Birbiglia
I'm a compulsive everything.
Mike Birbiglia
The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.
Mike Birbiglia
I'm walking out my door to get like a Snapple, and someone's like 'yo man, you want to buy some heroin?' 'No... got any Snapple?'
Mike Birbiglia
Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream
Mike Birbiglia
I've been selfish over the years, and other people who have made it have too, but I can only speak for myself.
Mike Birbiglia
I don't drink a lot. My family calls me an old soul. And my friends call me a pussy.
Mike Birbiglia
The key is to do what you love.
Mike Birbiglia
My problem with being in New York City is that you really can't make a living as a comedian. You can, but you have to also take writing jobs, which means less stage time.
Mike Birbiglia
There are so many people who are clever. There are 8000 people at Princeton who are more clever than the three of us at this table. BUT, we have the ability to give something that they don't have...which is us.
Mike Birbiglia
All techniques of comedy are valid and interesting to me.
Mike Birbiglia
It had that kind of open-ended fear to it - like that feeling you get when you're driving and you see a cop. And you're not speeding. You don't have drugs. But you're just thinking, I hope he doesn't notice I'm driving.
Mike Birbiglia
I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.
Mike Birbiglia
