Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, Do you guys hate me?
Mike Birbiglia
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Mike Birbiglia
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: June 20
Actor
Comedian
Executive Producer
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Hate
Sentences
Ends
Smoke
Around
Anymore
Every
Guys
Humor
Wants
Pot
Guy
Sentence
Funny
Hang
More quotes by Mike Birbiglia
Gillian [Jacobs] is brilliant, and it was Lena Dunham that recommended her. I didn't see her in the part, but Lena told me that Gillian can do anything. It turned out to be true.
Mike Birbiglia
You can express love by calling out the truth out of the situation as opposed to dancing around it.
Mike Birbiglia
I was made to believe that my life was going to be fixed and it wasn't. I'm still the same loser who had flown to Los Angeles on my sister's frequent flier miles just six days before.
Mike Birbiglia
My problem with being in New York City is that you really can't make a living as a comedian. You can, but you have to also take writing jobs, which means less stage time.
Mike Birbiglia
I performed for the U.S. troops in Guantanamo Bay. And signed autographs for people who've been gone from America for so long they didn't realize that I'm not famous.
Mike Birbiglia
Fortunately, I don't talk about politics on stage.
Mike Birbiglia
I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans.
Mike Birbiglia
Someone stole my wallet last week. The guy called me up and he was mad at me. He was like 'you gotta get your finances together. You got no cash, your credit cards are maxed out. You don't even have minutes on your calling card. I had to use my card to call you.'
Mike Birbiglia
Sometimes when I do a joke and it doesn't get a lot of laughs, it kind of feels like I'm doing jazz. That's kinda cool because jazz is cool, but sometimes jazz sucks ... Maybe I'm the Kenny G of comedy.
Mike Birbiglia
I'm walking out my door to get like a Snapple, and someone's like 'yo man, you want to buy some heroin?' 'No... got any Snapple?'
Mike Birbiglia
Sometimes, when you want to be in a place so badly, you'll do anything.
Mike Birbiglia
A girl offered me E at the club. 'Have you ever done E?' 'I watch E.'
Mike Birbiglia
I like 'Donnie Darko' it's a cool take on dreams and sleep.
Mike Birbiglia
I went to the doctor, and they found something in my bladder. And whenever they find something, it's never anything good like, We found something in your bladder AND IT'S SEASON TICKETS TO THE YANKEES!!
Mike Birbiglia
There are so many people who are clever. There are 8000 people at Princeton who are more clever than the three of us at this table. BUT, we have the ability to give something that they don't have...which is us.
Mike Birbiglia
In our culture right now, I want to take on this notion of what a singular success means. We think success is one thing, but it's actually a spectrum of where our life takes us.
Mike Birbiglia
Sometimes when my fans come up to me, they think it's going to be entertaining, like I'm going to tell jokes or do bits, and then instead of that I end up talking about really mundane things with my fans, and then they're kind of like, This is boring. I want to go talk to somebody else. I think I bore my fans to death by over-talking to them.
Mike Birbiglia
Life is unfair and improv is a great metaphor of that.
Mike Birbiglia
I'm a compulsive everything.
Mike Birbiglia
The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.
Mike Birbiglia