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A girl offered me E at the club. 'Have you ever done E?' 'I watch E.'
Mike Birbiglia
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Mike Birbiglia
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: June 20
Actor
Comedian
Executive Producer
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Funny
Girl
Ever
Offered
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Club
Clubs
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Humor
More quotes by Mike Birbiglia
I feel like people have more in common than the news reports.
Mike Birbiglia
Backup dancers are completely respectable. They're the studio musicians of dance.
Mike Birbiglia
How many people do you know who have thrown up on the Scrambler or a carnival ride? A lot of people, is the answer.
Mike Birbiglia
Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt.
Mike Birbiglia
I thought if I could do stand-up comedy well enough, I could parlay it back into films - like Charlie Chaplin and Woody Allen did. They merged principles of comedy and drama together, and that's what my first film really was, a stab at that kind of comedy.
Mike Birbiglia
Art is socialism but life is capitalism.
Mike Birbiglia
Some people come up to me and say You know, in Italy, it's pronounced Ber-beel-lia And I say Well, here in America, you're annoying...
Mike Birbiglia
There are so many people who are clever. There are 8000 people at Princeton who are more clever than the three of us at this table. BUT, we have the ability to give something that they don't have...which is us.
Mike Birbiglia
You can express love by calling out the truth out of the situation as opposed to dancing around it.
Mike Birbiglia
Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.
Mike Birbiglia
When I made 'Sleepwalk with Me,' many people asked me if was a novelty thing, a one-off. But this is the goal, I'm just hitting it 12 years after I thought I would.
Mike Birbiglia
Someone stole my wallet last week. The guy called me up and he was mad at me. He was like 'you gotta get your finances together. You got no cash, your credit cards are maxed out. You don't even have minutes on your calling card. I had to use my card to call you.'
Mike Birbiglia
I'm a whitebread cracker. That's my favorite white person slur: whitebread. The other day, someone came up to me and said, What's up, whitebread? And I was like, That's not even an insult. That's just my race plus a food. I can do that, too, black bean soup! Stay out of this, Asian chicken platter!
Mike Birbiglia
I performed for the U.S. troops in Guantanamo Bay. And signed autographs for people who've been gone from America for so long they didn't realize that I'm not famous.
Mike Birbiglia
Success is fleeting. It may not have to do with you but how your work is received.
Mike Birbiglia
It had that kind of open-ended fear to it - like that feeling you get when you're driving and you see a cop. And you're not speeding. You don't have drugs. But you're just thinking, I hope he doesn't notice I'm driving.
Mike Birbiglia
I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.
Mike Birbiglia
Fortunately, I don't talk about politics on stage.
Mike Birbiglia
I've read that Steven Wright's style was born out of genuine nervousness.
Mike Birbiglia
Alienation, I suppose, can't be hackneyed because it will always exist.
Mike Birbiglia
