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I almost can't even put to words how happy I am that I got married.

Mike Birbiglia

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Mike Birbiglia
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: June 20
Actor
Comedian
Executive Producer
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Married
Almost
Happy
Words
Even

More quotes by Mike Birbiglia

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Art is socialism but life is capitalism.
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I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans.
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I don't drink a lot. My family calls me an old soul. And my friends call me a pussy.
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You can express love by calling out the truth out of the situation as opposed to dancing around it.
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Sometimes, when you want to be in a place so badly, you'll do anything.
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You can always tell who went to catholic school, because they're atheists.
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Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt.
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What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.
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Sometimes when I do a joke and it doesn't get a lot of laughs, it kind of feels like I'm doing jazz. That's kinda cool because jazz is cool, but sometimes jazz sucks ... Maybe I'm the Kenny G of comedy.
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How many people do you know who have thrown up on the Scrambler or a carnival ride? A lot of people, is the answer.
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I'm a compulsive everything.
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I went to the doctor, and they found something in my bladder. And whenever they find something, it's never anything good like, We found something in your bladder AND IT'S SEASON TICKETS TO THE YANKEES!!
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When I made 'Sleepwalk with Me,' many people asked me if was a novelty thing, a one-off. But this is the goal, I'm just hitting it 12 years after I thought I would.
Mike Birbiglia
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Comedy is tragedy plus time, but the time is different for everybody.
Mike Birbiglia
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Bears are simultaneously so graceful and so strong. Bears know who they are, but they often don’t know who you are, which is why they kill you.
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Backup dancers are completely respectable. They're the studio musicians of dance.
Mike Birbiglia
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I think spending a lot of time with my mom, who's a talker and a storyteller, and my dad, who has kind of a soft-spoken, understated sense of humor, I think that's how I became what I am, which is sort of an understated storyteller.
Mike Birbiglia
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The people who are the worst at news, who kind of engage in what I call the World Wrestling of news, have kind of set the bar for where news is.
Mike Birbiglia
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I like 'Donnie Darko' it's a cool take on dreams and sleep.
Mike Birbiglia
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I'm a whitebread cracker. That's my favorite white person slur: whitebread. The other day, someone came up to me and said, What's up, whitebread? And I was like, That's not even an insult. That's just my race plus a food. I can do that, too, black bean soup! Stay out of this, Asian chicken platter!
Mike Birbiglia