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I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.

Mike Birbiglia

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Mike Birbiglia
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: June 20
Actor
Comedian
Executive Producer
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Think
Unstable
Thinking
Mets
Girl
Used
Littles
Ever
Little
Every
Dated

More quotes by Mike Birbiglia

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How many people do you know who have thrown up on the Scrambler or a carnival ride? A lot of people, is the answer.
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Sometimes when I do a joke and it doesn't get a lot of laughs, it kind of feels like I'm doing jazz. That's kinda cool because jazz is cool, but sometimes jazz sucks ... Maybe I'm the Kenny G of comedy.
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I feel like people have more in common than the news reports.
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I struggled with that notion early in my career. 'I know this is funny but nobody is laughing.' This thought occurred for years.
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The list of fun and easily fixed brain diseases is very short.
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Art is socialism but life is capitalism.
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I was made to believe that my life was going to be fixed and it wasn't. I'm still the same loser who had flown to Los Angeles on my sister's frequent flier miles just six days before.
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Bears are simultaneously so graceful and so strong. Bears know who they are, but they often don’t know who you are, which is why they kill you.
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So I went to a club the other day, which is timely because my self esteem had been hovering right around 'normal' and I had been meaning to knock it down to negative 1000.
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I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans.
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I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an effective use of time.
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All techniques of comedy are valid and interesting to me.
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Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have plans.
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I just don't give off a great first impression.
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Some people come up to me and say You know, in Italy, it's pronounced Ber-beel-lia And I say Well, here in America, you're annoying...
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I have this habit of asking 'why do you want to do it?' and then interrupting them to say, 'here's why you want to do it.' Because it's in the 'yes...and' spirit [rule of improvisation].
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There are so many people who are clever. There are 8000 people at Princeton who are more clever than the three of us at this table. BUT, we have the ability to give something that they don't have...which is us.
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The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.
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I went to the doctor, and they found something in my bladder. And whenever they find something, it's never anything good like, We found something in your bladder AND IT'S SEASON TICKETS TO THE YANKEES!!
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In our culture right now, I want to take on this notion of what a singular success means. We think success is one thing, but it's actually a spectrum of where our life takes us.
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