Quote

Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt.

Mike Birbiglia

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Mike Birbiglia
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: June 20
Actor
Comedian
Executive Producer
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Sex
Good
Pizza
Shirt
Shirts
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More quotes by Mike Birbiglia

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Bears are simultaneously so graceful and so strong. Bears know who they are, but they often don’t know who you are, which is why they kill you.
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I take the subway four times a day, or close to it. I just love the subway! My grandfather worked as an electrician when they were digging the subway.
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I never looked at my parents' marriage or really anyone who had been married more than 30 years and thought, 'I gotta get me some of that!'
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I just don't give off a great first impression.
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I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.
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I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans.
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Two Drink Mike enjoys dancing and knows a magic trick. Whereas, No Drink Mike enjoys biographies, and has serious opinions on wildlife. And Five Drink Mike... dances with wildlife.
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My family isn't really Italian. We're more like Olive Garden Italian.
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I figured out in my thirties it was about 'what can I contribute'? And what I figured out about that is creating something from scratch, and connecting it to people.
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I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.
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There are so many people who are clever. There are 8000 people at Princeton who are more clever than the three of us at this table. BUT, we have the ability to give something that they don't have...which is us.
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The ability to workshop in stand-up comedy is incomparable to any art form, in my opinion.
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I always try to attack the most honest issues I can in my comedy.
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In our culture right now, I want to take on this notion of what a singular success means. We think success is one thing, but it's actually a spectrum of where our life takes us.
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I think Mitch Hedberg is one of the great comedians of the past 20 years.
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I've read that Steven Wright's style was born out of genuine nervousness.
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The key is to do what you love.
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I performed for the U.S. troops in Guantanamo Bay. And signed autographs for people who've been gone from America for so long they didn't realize that I'm not famous.
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You can always tell who went to catholic school, because they're atheists.
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I'm a whitebread cracker. That's my favorite white person slur: whitebread. The other day, someone came up to me and said, What's up, whitebread? And I was like, That's not even an insult. That's just my race plus a food. I can do that, too, black bean soup! Stay out of this, Asian chicken platter!
Mike Birbiglia