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What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.
Mike Birbiglia
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Mike Birbiglia
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: June 20
Actor
Comedian
Executive Producer
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Really
Comedy
Funny
Woman
Understand
Doesn
Money
Math
Need
Loves
Needs
Humor
More quotes by Mike Birbiglia
Everyone tries to get you to dance at clubs. They come up to you and say You gotta dance! you gotta dance! And then I dance, and they're like, Not like that!
Mike Birbiglia
Eugene Mirman is the Andy Warhol of comedy. People look to him for what's next in comedy, and he emails these people back promptly. The Will to Whatevs put me in a great mood because I was laughing out loud. Alone. That's hard to do.
Mike Birbiglia
The people who are the worst at news, who kind of engage in what I call the World Wrestling of news, have kind of set the bar for where news is.
Mike Birbiglia
I just don't give off a great first impression.
Mike Birbiglia
Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream
Mike Birbiglia
The ability to workshop in stand-up comedy is incomparable to any art form, in my opinion.
Mike Birbiglia
I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, Do you guys hate me?
Mike Birbiglia
In our culture right now, I want to take on this notion of what a singular success means. We think success is one thing, but it's actually a spectrum of where our life takes us.
Mike Birbiglia
A girl offered me E at the club. 'Have you ever done E?' 'I watch E.'
Mike Birbiglia
When I made 'Sleepwalk with Me,' many people asked me if was a novelty thing, a one-off. But this is the goal, I'm just hitting it 12 years after I thought I would.
Mike Birbiglia
I always try to attack the most honest issues I can in my comedy.
Mike Birbiglia
Success is fleeting. It may not have to do with you but how your work is received.
Mike Birbiglia
What I write is emotionally honest and truthful as the human experience can be, to make people feel less alone, or at least that's the hope.
Mike Birbiglia
Some people come up to me and say You know, in Italy, it's pronounced Ber-beel-lia And I say Well, here in America, you're annoying...
Mike Birbiglia
The key is to do what you love.
Mike Birbiglia
I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans.
Mike Birbiglia
I couldn't recommend more that people put themselves in a situation where they can see a lot of work that they admire, and for free.
Mike Birbiglia
Bears are simultaneously so graceful and so strong. Bears know who they are, but they often don’t know who you are, which is why they kill you.
Mike Birbiglia
Someone stole my wallet last week. The guy called me up and he was mad at me. He was like 'you gotta get your finances together. You got no cash, your credit cards are maxed out. You don't even have minutes on your calling card. I had to use my card to call you.'
Mike Birbiglia
I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an effective use of time.
Mike Birbiglia
