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What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.
Mike Birbiglia
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Mike Birbiglia
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: June 20
Actor
Comedian
Executive Producer
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Need
Loves
Needs
Humor
Really
Comedy
Funny
Woman
Understand
Doesn
Money
Math
More quotes by Mike Birbiglia
Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt.
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All techniques of comedy are valid and interesting to me.
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You can always tell who went to catholic school, because they're atheists.
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Someone stole my wallet last week. The guy called me up and he was mad at me. He was like 'you gotta get your finances together. You got no cash, your credit cards are maxed out. You don't even have minutes on your calling card. I had to use my card to call you.'
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Fortunately, I don't talk about politics on stage.
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I feel like people have more in common than the news reports.
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Alienation, I suppose, can't be hackneyed because it will always exist.
Mike Birbiglia
I never looked at my parents' marriage or really anyone who had been married more than 30 years and thought, 'I gotta get me some of that!'
Mike Birbiglia
I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.
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Success is fleeting. It may not have to do with you but how your work is received.
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Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have plans.
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The list of fun and easily fixed brain diseases is very short.
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I like 'Donnie Darko' it's a cool take on dreams and sleep.
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What I write is emotionally honest and truthful as the human experience can be, to make people feel less alone, or at least that's the hope.
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The key is to do what you love.
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You can express love by calling out the truth out of the situation as opposed to dancing around it.
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I have this habit of asking 'why do you want to do it?' and then interrupting them to say, 'here's why you want to do it.' Because it's in the 'yes...and' spirit [rule of improvisation].
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Bears are simultaneously so graceful and so strong. Bears know who they are, but they often don’t know who you are, which is why they kill you.
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Sometimes when my fans come up to me, they think it's going to be entertaining, like I'm going to tell jokes or do bits, and then instead of that I end up talking about really mundane things with my fans, and then they're kind of like, This is boring. I want to go talk to somebody else. I think I bore my fans to death by over-talking to them.
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Gillian [Jacobs] is brilliant, and it was Lena Dunham that recommended her. I didn't see her in the part, but Lena told me that Gillian can do anything. It turned out to be true.
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