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It had that kind of open-ended fear to it - like that feeling you get when you're driving and you see a cop. And you're not speeding. You don't have drugs. But you're just thinking, I hope he doesn't notice I'm driving.
Mike Birbiglia
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Mike Birbiglia
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: June 20
Actor
Comedian
Executive Producer
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Feelings
Driving
Doesn
Drug
Kind
Humor
Thinking
Open
Speeding
Like
Feeling
Cop
Funny
Ended
Hope
Notice
Fear
Drugs
More quotes by Mike Birbiglia
I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.
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Someone stole my wallet last week. The guy called me up and he was mad at me. He was like 'you gotta get your finances together. You got no cash, your credit cards are maxed out. You don't even have minutes on your calling card. I had to use my card to call you.'
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Fortunately, I don't talk about politics on stage.
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I actually love 'Saturday Night Live,' like a sports fan watches their favorite team to see how they're doing. I know the players and the writers, I've known several people on that show for a number of years.
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Sometimes, when you want to be in a place so badly, you'll do anything.
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I struggled with that notion early in my career. 'I know this is funny but nobody is laughing.' This thought occurred for years.
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Success is fleeting. It may not have to do with you but how your work is received.
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I never looked at my parents' marriage or really anyone who had been married more than 30 years and thought, 'I gotta get me some of that!'
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I'm a compulsive everything.
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Alienation, I suppose, can't be hackneyed because it will always exist.
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I've read that Steven Wright's style was born out of genuine nervousness.
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I feel that marriage can lead to the ultimate rejection and failure and divorce and things we all fear.
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I went to the doctor, and they found something in my bladder. And whenever they find something, it's never anything good like, We found something in your bladder AND IT'S SEASON TICKETS TO THE YANKEES!!
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I performed for the U.S. troops in Guantanamo Bay. And signed autographs for people who've been gone from America for so long they didn't realize that I'm not famous.
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I've been selfish over the years, and other people who have made it have too, but I can only speak for myself.
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What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.
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How many people do you know who have thrown up on the Scrambler or a carnival ride? A lot of people, is the answer.
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Two Drink Mike enjoys dancing and knows a magic trick. Whereas, No Drink Mike enjoys biographies, and has serious opinions on wildlife. And Five Drink Mike... dances with wildlife.
Mike Birbiglia
