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Donald Trump really is a fan of the Bible, except that it's far too long for him to read. So he just released a new, improved version, the Gospel According to Trump. It reads: I, Donald Trump, am God. Praise, worship, and adore Me as I do Myself. Then all shall be Great, as I am Great. The End.

Michael R. Burch

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Michael R. Burch
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: February 19
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the United States of America
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More quotes by Michael R. Burch

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Epigrams delight us into wisdom.
Michael R. Burch
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How can the Bible be infallible when from Genesis to Revelation slavery is commanded and condoned, but never condemned?
Michael R. Burch
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When I was being bullied, I had to learn not to judge myself by the opinions of intolerant morons. Then I felt much better.
Michael R. Burch
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Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.
Michael R. Burch
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Trump claims he'd be the best jobs president that God ever created. But isn't his claim to fame firing people?
Michael R. Burch
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Trump's last name is an omen that he'll win the Republican nomination, since trump means triumph. One might suggest that this will constitute the triumph of insanity over reason, except that none of the other Republican candidates make any sense either. Trump just makes them seem less crazy by comparison.
Michael R. Burch
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Hell hath no fury like a frustrated fundamentalist whose God condemned him to hell for having impure thoughts.
Michael R. Burch
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Abbesses' recesses are not for excesses!
Michael R. Burch
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When Donald Trump becomes president, he'll fly on a jumbo jet rebadged Hair Force One. It will be oversized to contain his massive ego, and will have all the latest and greatest blowdryer technology.
Michael R. Burch
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Donald Trump has taken the Peter Principle to unprecedented heights. Or is it depths?
Michael R. Burch
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If God is good half the Bible is libel.
Michael R. Burch
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The truth can finally be told: Donald Trump's autism was caused by a vaccination that went terribly wrong this explains why he can't relate to other people.
Michael R. Burch
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Rand Paul tried hard to upstage Donald Trump at the first debate, talking tough about his guns and his right not to register them. But with his pixie-ish perm, Paul does not impress me as the gunslinger type. Rand Paul is the RuPaul of politics. He would do better to defend his right to carry an unregistered blow-dryer and curling irons.
Michael R. Burch
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It's not that every leaf must finally fall, it's just that we can never catch them all.
Michael R. Burch
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Trump has officially changed his name to Ronald because he's such a clown, and in sympathy his toupée is changing its name to Bozo.
Michael R. Burch
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Every political card played by Jeb Bush has been Trumped every political note played by The Donald has been Trumpeted.
Michael R. Burch
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Trump appeals to the disaffected by loudly trumpet-ing what they want to hear: other people are always the problem, and the solution is to either put them in their proper place or get rid of them.
Michael R. Burch
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Donald Trump accused Huma Abedin of sharing state secrets with her husband. I think Trump clearly lacks a sense of Huma.
Michael R. Burch
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Donald Trump has filed so many bankruptcies and busted so many companies that his children now have receding heir lines.
Michael R. Burch
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Trump appeals to right-wingnuts because when the going gets tough, they wig out.
Michael R. Burch