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The Atkins' diet is where you eat bacon for six or seven months...and the end result is that you lose weight. Because you're dead.
Michael Ian Black
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Michael Ian Black
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: August 12
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Chicago
Illinois
Results
Six
Ends
Result
Seven
Weight
Months
Atkins
Lose
Bacon
Dead
Diet
Loses
Diets
More quotes by Michael Ian Black
I don't necessarily self-identify as a writer, 'cause it implies a certain level of intelligence.
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It doesn't matter what you're chasing, when you get there you're gonna be like, Oh, is this all? It kind of sucks.
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As a game-show host, what I'm thinking and what I'm experiencing doesn't matter. My opinion doesn't matter. So there's a flattened reality to it. It's fun to do. But it's certainly not myself in totality - or even maybe a little bit.
Michael Ian Black
The global business climate is likewhatever, dude.
Michael Ian Black
Any time I am involved in something from conception to execution, that's obviously a lot more personal, and I'm going to be more invested in it than something where I just show up for a couple days, shoot, and leave.
Michael Ian Black
Hosting a game show is so bizarre and uniquely its own thing. Anytime I'm hosting something, I try to bring as much of myself to it as I can, but it's always going to be incomplete.
Michael Ian Black
I can be a snarky Asshole, or I can be sort of mentally impaired. It's very hard for me to just be normal human being.
Michael Ian Black
Shuffling really isn't something you should be doing on your deathbed.
Michael Ian Black
If you say I'm going to be an actor, but I'll get a teaching degree just in case, when things get hard, you'll just be a teacher and that's how you get stuck.
Michael Ian Black
As an actor, you can show up on a set and be on a TV show for three or four years, or whatever it is and, by the end of it, you just want to do something else.
Michael Ian Black
My goal is to work. That's the goal of most actors or performers: to work and keep working, and do the best you can, and keep growing and changing, trying to improve your craft.
Michael Ian Black
I was very surprised how many people were earnestly reminiscing about the '80s. It's such a stupid thing to do, like, to be honestly invested in nostalgia. It never even occurred to me to do that.
Michael Ian Black
If I revise a children's book, if I'm spending three hours on the first draft, I'm probably spending 30 minutes revising it. I mean, come on! But to redo a painting? That's hard work.
Michael Ian Black
The whole idea of punk rock is that you're dressing yourself in a crazy leather jacket with safety pins and a Mohawk. The idea of being the rebel is a boring societal idea. It's such a type. And that's what I was, without knowing it.
Michael Ian Black
I'm very introverted, so it requires a huge effort for me to put on a smile and extend a hand and accept compliments. I would much rather be insulted than complimented any day.
Michael Ian Black
I thought I'd be living a much more bohemian life and be very poor. I never thought I'd do comedy or be married living in the suburbs. Every time I try to plan my life out it just doesn't come to pass, and I think that's a great experience.
Michael Ian Black
Things you never thought were going to turn into something end up being the most important things in your life. You have to learn to not try to control it.
Michael Ian Black
Lordy, lordy, lordy do I love money. It is a character flaw, no doubt, one that springs from a panicked childhood in which I always felt as if our family was only a couple missed child support payments from being tossed onto the pitiless streets of our suburban New Jersey town.
Michael Ian Black
Part of what's exciting to me about my career is the constant looking forward. Whenever I finish one project, I am looking to what's next.
Michael Ian Black
I never really understood what was expected of me as a man, or how I was supposed to interact with women, but worse, with other guys. I did not relate to them.
Michael Ian Black
