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I hope you die.... P.S. If you do die, I'm going to go to the funeral and finger your corpse.

Michael Ian Black

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Michael Ian Black
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: August 12
Actor
Comedian
Film Director
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Chicago
Illinois
Hope
Going
Corpse
Corpses
Finger
Funeral
Fingers
Dies

More quotes by Michael Ian Black

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The illustrators work so much harder on the books than the writers do. I mean, that's so much work doing what they do, and it's terrible for them.
Michael Ian Black
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I loved Dungeons & Dragons. Actually, not so much the actual playing as the creation of characters and the opportunity to roll twenty-sided dice. I loved those pouches of dice Dungeon Masters would trundle around, loved choosing what I was going to be: warrior, wizard, dwarf, thief.
Michael Ian Black
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I feel no obligation to teach my readers anything, to impart any sort of wisdom, to teach any sort of lesson, to instill any sort of morality. All I'm trying to do is make them and their parents laugh.
Michael Ian Black
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I don't think I was awake for much of my childhood. I did a lot of napping. This might have been a defensive measure against encroaching depression. Until about the age of eleven or twelve, I had zero interests other than trying to steal gumballs from supermarket gumball machines.
Michael Ian Black
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Super excited about things I'm going to do never excited about things I'm actually doing.
Michael Ian Black
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The characters that I have on Twitter have very little resemblance to me, the person who's writing them.
Michael Ian Black
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I was very surprised how many people were earnestly reminiscing about the '80s. It's such a stupid thing to do, like, to be honestly invested in nostalgia. It never even occurred to me to do that.
Michael Ian Black
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Kids love to be silly, they love to laugh, so I think it was natural for my kids to like the sort of books that I write - and it's the only kinds of books I'm capable of writing.
Michael Ian Black
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As a game-show host, what I'm thinking and what I'm experiencing doesn't matter. My opinion doesn't matter. So there's a flattened reality to it. It's fun to do. But it's certainly not myself in totality - or even maybe a little bit.
Michael Ian Black
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I can be a snarky Asshole, or I can be sort of mentally impaired. It's very hard for me to just be normal human being.
Michael Ian Black
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I never really understood what was expected of me as a man, or how I was supposed to interact with women, but worse, with other guys. I did not relate to them.
Michael Ian Black
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The whole idea of punk rock is that you're dressing yourself in a crazy leather jacket with safety pins and a Mohawk. The idea of being the rebel is a boring societal idea. It's such a type. And that's what I was, without knowing it.
Michael Ian Black
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Any time I am involved in something from conception to execution, that's obviously a lot more personal, and I'm going to be more invested in it than something where I just show up for a couple days, shoot, and leave.
Michael Ian Black
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I think people just love to win.
Michael Ian Black
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Whatever I write I publish. Because that's where the money is.
Michael Ian Black
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The global business climate is likewhatever, dude.
Michael Ian Black
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If you say I'm going to be an actor, but I'll get a teaching degree just in case, when things get hard, you'll just be a teacher and that's how you get stuck.
Michael Ian Black
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There is no word for feeling nostalgic about the future, but that's what a parent's tears often are, a nostalgia for something that has not yet occurred. They are the pain of hope, the helplessness of hope, and finally, the surrender to hope.
Michael Ian Black
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My absolute favorite growing up was Super Friends. The assemblage of so many mighty heroes in one place was, to me, mind-blowing. It was Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, the Flash, Aquaman, and then sometimes Hawkman and some other, lesser heroes.
Michael Ian Black
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I'm very introverted, so it requires a huge effort for me to put on a smile and extend a hand and accept compliments. I would much rather be insulted than complimented any day.
Michael Ian Black