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Having your back scratched is not the only reason to be married, but it is a good one, especially for those spots that are so hard to reach by yourself.

Maureen Johnson

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Maureen Johnson
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: February 16
Author
Novelist
Writer
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Back
Reason
Hard
Good
Scratched
Spots
Reach
Married
Especially

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Fear can't hurt you, she said. When it washes over you, give it no power. It's a snake with no venom. Remember that. That knowledge can save you.
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No one in history had ever done less and yet been so wrong.
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She firmly held the theory that everyone gets at least one very stupid superpower.
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I could envision it all to clearly: Stuart or Debbie finding the dented door off its hinges, lying in the snow. She came in, ravaged the boy, stole plastic bags, and ripped off the door in her escape, the police would say in the APB. Probably making her way to bust her parents out of jail.
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Ah, he said. I had an . . . artistic disagreement with the director of the panto. As it happens, I take issue with the objectification of women in Cinderella, and the reliance on shoes as a means of identification. Surely you understand.
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They weren't pressed together as closely as normal, but his shoulder bumped hers, then remained there. It was very subtle, and possibly even accidental, but it was enough.
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You can never visit the same place twice. Each time, it's a different story. By the very act of coming back, you wipe out what came before.
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People always say they can't do things, that they're impossible. They just haven't been creative enough.
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What tinfoil? he asked.
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Prefects. I had learned this one. Student council types, but with superpowers. They who must be obeyed.
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One question, I said. Did you tell me all that because you think I'm going to die? No, he said. It's because you're doing something brave, and I felt I should too. I'll take that as a yes, I said.
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I envisioned huge piles of the Elf Hotel flying off the belt, taking down everybody in sight. I had seen pictures of that Elf Hotel - it had sharp candy-cane spires that could easily impale someone. If anyone was ever going to be killed by an Elf Hotel, it would be my parents.
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One of them hung a pink bra from our lighting fixture. I left it there. It was a nice bra
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New start or not, there was a line to be drawn, and that line was singing musicals to yourself as serious psychological motivation.
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Before I take you into the beating heart of the story, let’s get one thing out of the way. I know from experience that when it comes up later, it will distract you so much that you won’t be able to concentrate on anything else I will tell you. My name is Jubilee Dougal. Take a moment and let it sink in.
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Spicy food and I have a close relationship—an obsessive one, in fact. If it’s spicy, I want it. I want to sweat and shake and go half blind from the searing pain . . . which, now that I put it that way, seems really suggestive. But spicy stuff is addictive. That’s a known fact of science.
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A pause while my mother made high-pitched sisterly devotions of gratitude.
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I had one class in the morning, the mysteriously named Further Maths. It was two hours long and so deeply frightening that I think I went into a trance.
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This pool is a triumph of imagination. That's how you win at life, Gin. You have to imagine your way through. Never say something can't be done. There's always a solution, even if it's weird.
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I'm done. I'm going to go to bed and read important books about theater. It would would be easier if you just said porn, Scarlett said. No idea what you're talking about. But knock first if you need me.
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