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This is England, he explained. Tell someone it's a procedure, and they'll believe you. The pointless procedure is one of our great natural resources.
Maureen Johnson
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Maureen Johnson
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: February 16
Author
Novelist
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Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Natural
Tell
Someone
Procedure
Great
Procedures
Believe
Pointless
Explained
England
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More quotes by Maureen Johnson
I followed your footsteps, he said, in answer to the unspoken question. Snow makes it easy. I had been tracked, like a bear. Sorry to make you go to all that trouble, I said. I didn't have to go that far, really. You're about three streets over. You just kept going in loops. A really inept bear.
Maureen Johnson
Welsh is an actual, currently used language and our next-door neighbors Angela and Gaenor spoke it. It sounds like Wizard.
Maureen Johnson
What are you? I asked. I'm the Ghost of the Night Before Exams. And how long did it take you to come up with that? Jazza asked. I'm a busy man, he replied.
Maureen Johnson
The truth was that she had managed to betray everyone by doing nothing. No one in history had ever done less and yet been so wrong. Not cheating on a non-boyfriend with the non-boyfriend of a friend. The pressure of thinking that one through made her swollen body ache.
Maureen Johnson
Oh my God! said one of the Ambers. Is this not the worst trip ever? Did you see the snow? She was a sharp one, this Amber. What would she notice next? The train? The moon? The hilarious vagaries of human existence? Her own head?
Maureen Johnson
Something about her suggested that her leisure activities included wrestling large woodland animals and banging bricks together.
Maureen Johnson
Why are Americans so fascinated by Ireland? Keith asked... you all think you're Irish. What's the appeal? Do you like the accent more? Is it all the magical rocks? Oh, look, a leprechaun.
Maureen Johnson
Once again, her parents' problems had run through her life like a piece of heavy equipment, smashing everything in their way.
Maureen Johnson
I had one class in the morning, the mysteriously named Further Maths. It was two hours long and so deeply frightening that I think I went into a trance.
Maureen Johnson
New start or not, there was a line to be drawn, and that line was singing musicals to yourself as serious psychological motivation.
Maureen Johnson
We study there a lot because... what other choice does society give us, right? It's Starbucks or death, sometimes.
Maureen Johnson
I feel warm and reassured, I whispered. He's like Santa.
Maureen Johnson
Guilt isn't always a rational thing, Clio realized. Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.
Maureen Johnson
Spicy food and I have a close relationship—an obsessive one, in fact. If it’s spicy, I want it. I want to sweat and shake and go half blind from the searing pain . . . which, now that I put it that way, seems really suggestive. But spicy stuff is addictive. That’s a known fact of science.
Maureen Johnson
Hey! Jack the Wanker! Over here! I want your autograph!
Maureen Johnson
Kissing is something that makes up for a lot of other crap you have to put up with...It can be confusing and weird and awkward, but sometimes it just makes you melt and forget everything that is going on.
Maureen Johnson
Don't get stabbed. It makes everything awkward.
Maureen Johnson
It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke.
Maureen Johnson
But we made our own fun, mostly. I recall a time, many years later, when American children seemed unable to amuse themselves without a fortune in electrical and electronic equipment. We had no fancy equipment and did not miss it.
Maureen Johnson
Also, when on a campaign to convince a stranger that you aren't a few fries short of a Happy Meal, throwing around phrases like tangentially Swedish is not the best way to go.
Maureen Johnson
