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Don't get stabbed. It makes everything awkward.

Maureen Johnson

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Maureen Johnson
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: February 16
Author
Novelist
Writer
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Stabbed
Awkward
Makes
Everything

More quotes by Maureen Johnson

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You don't know me yet, I said. Rory was telling me she lives in a swamp, Charlotte said. That's right, I said, turning up my accent a little. These are the very first shoes I've ever owned. They sure do pinch my feet. Jerome gave a little snort.
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Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies.
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Just then, my phone started ringing. The ring must have been damaged by the water as well, so now it had a high, keening note - kind of the sound I imagine a mermaid might make if you punched her in the face.
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I could pretend, at least, and if I pretended long enough, maybe I could make it into a reality.
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Kissing is something that makes up for a lot of other crap you have to put up with...It can be confusing and weird and awkward, but sometimes it just makes you melt and forget everything that is going on.
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I am a mass of contradictions.
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I guess life is full of maybes.
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Which is both gross and breathtakingly romantic. He could always have just gone upstairs and brushed his teeth, but he stayed and lurked by the fish for me.
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Walk really, really carefully. It's not complicated, but if you mess up, you'll die, so pay attention.
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Sometimes it is worth any amount of suffering just to prevent giving your parents the opportunity to be right.
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I knew it was beautiful, but knowing something is beautiful and caring about it are two very different things, and I didn't care.
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New start or not, there was a line to be drawn, and that line was singing musicals to yourself as serious psychological motivation.
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It was fine, I said stiffly. We played Mouse Trap. Is that what they're calling it these days? she asked, throwing me a terrible grin. I have to go give Rachel a quick bath. Feel free to make yourself some cocoa or whatever you like! She stopped short of adding ...future child-bride of my only son.
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I may have been a complete lunatic, but I was a complete lunatic with manners.
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Guilt isn't always a rational thing, Clio realized. Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.
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People always say they can't do things, that they're impossible. They just haven't been creative enough.
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This is England, he explained. Tell someone it's a procedure, and they'll believe you. The pointless procedure is one of our great natural resources.
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She was standing in the airport of Copenhagen, staring at a doorway, trying to figure out if it was (a) a bathroom and (b) what kind of bathroom it was. The door merely said H. Was she an H? Was H hers? It could just as easily be his. Or Helicopter Room: Not a Bathroom at All
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WORTH IT and perfect are different things. No one’s perfect, yet in romance, everyone becomes WORTH IT. And that’s the trick.
Maureen Johnson
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Well, what now? You have no job. I have no job. Wanna play Jenga?
Maureen Johnson