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I feel warm and reassured, I whispered. He's like Santa.

Maureen Johnson

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Maureen Johnson
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: February 16
Author
Novelist
Writer
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Feel
Feels
Like
Reassured
Whispered
Santa
Warm

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Which is both gross and breathtakingly romantic. He could always have just gone upstairs and brushed his teeth, but he stayed and lurked by the fish for me.
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I sleep better knowing that a naked cork-eater is not sneaking around at night, stealing my underwear.
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Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies.
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A woman who shaves or otherwise depilates her pubic curls has a profound interest in recreational sex.
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Tired, but not the kind of tired that sleep fixes.
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I envisioned huge piles of the Elf Hotel flying off the belt, taking down everybody in sight. I had seen pictures of that Elf Hotel - it had sharp candy-cane spires that could easily impale someone. If anyone was ever going to be killed by an Elf Hotel, it would be my parents.
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I'm done. I'm going to go to bed and read important books about theater. It would would be easier if you just said porn, Scarlett said. No idea what you're talking about. But knock first if you need me.
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And if we get caught, I will claim I made you go. At gunpoint. I am American. People will assume I'm armed.
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