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Irony is the word I forget the meaning of immediately after I look it up, but I kind of feel like I live in a constant state of it.
Maureen Johnson
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Maureen Johnson
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: February 16
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More quotes by Maureen Johnson
Also, when on a campaign to convince a stranger that you aren't a few fries short of a Happy Meal, throwing around phrases like tangentially Swedish is not the best way to go.
Maureen Johnson
Tell me what you want, what you really, really want, he said. Braiiinnnnssss, we said in unison.
Maureen Johnson
I like you because you were mad. And you're pretty. And pretty sane for a mad person.
Maureen Johnson
One of them hung a pink bra from our lighting fixture. I left it there. It was a nice bra
Maureen Johnson
But we made our own fun, mostly. I recall a time, many years later, when American children seemed unable to amuse themselves without a fortune in electrical and electronic equipment. We had no fancy equipment and did not miss it.
Maureen Johnson
I could envision it all to clearly: Stuart or Debbie finding the dented door off its hinges, lying in the snow. She came in, ravaged the boy, stole plastic bags, and ripped off the door in her escape, the police would say in the APB. Probably making her way to bust her parents out of jail.
Maureen Johnson
I still have a whopping bad case of what you call scag magnetism. I thought i had gotten rid of it there, but it looks like scary guys still materialize from thin air in my presence. They are drawn to me. I am the North Pole, and they are the explorers of love.
Maureen Johnson
Debbie had to get up and slice me a thick piece of cake before she could answer. And I do mean thick. Harry Potter volume seven thick. I could have knocked out a burglar with this piece of cake. Once I tasted it, though, it seemed just the right size.
Maureen Johnson
People always say they can't do things, that they're impossible. They just haven't been creative enough.
Maureen Johnson
The locker at the end of her bed had no lock, and one of the hinges was busted. She opened it up. There was a thing in it. The thing might have been a sandwich at some point, or an animal, or a human hand...but what it was now was fuzzy and putrid. A minute later, Ginny was down the stairs, out the door, and gone.
Maureen Johnson
One question, I said. Did you tell me all that because you think I'm going to die? No, he said. It's because you're doing something brave, and I felt I should too. I'll take that as a yes, I said.
Maureen Johnson
Walk really, really carefully. It's not complicated, but if you mess up, you'll die, so pay attention.
Maureen Johnson
Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies.
Maureen Johnson
She wasn't only gay, she was a gay elf.
Maureen Johnson
Sometimes it is worth any amount of suffering just to prevent giving your parents the opportunity to be right.
Maureen Johnson
She looks like a jumper to me. Jumpers do that a lot, stand on the edge and stare out. Never kill yourself in a Tube station. Tip number one. You might end up down here forever, staring at the wall. Stephen coughed a little. Just giving advice, Callum said.
Maureen Johnson
WORTH IT and perfect are different things. No one’s perfect, yet in romance, everyone becomes WORTH IT. And that’s the trick.
Maureen Johnson
Spicy food and I have a close relationship—an obsessive one, in fact. If it’s spicy, I want it. I want to sweat and shake and go half blind from the searing pain . . . which, now that I put it that way, seems really suggestive. But spicy stuff is addictive. That’s a known fact of science.
Maureen Johnson
I knew it was beautiful, but knowing something is beautiful and caring about it are two very different things, and I didn't care.
Maureen Johnson
This is England, he explained. Tell someone it's a procedure, and they'll believe you. The pointless procedure is one of our great natural resources.
Maureen Johnson
