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And if we get caught, I will claim I made you go. At gunpoint. I am American. People will assume I'm armed.

Maureen Johnson

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Maureen Johnson
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: February 16
Author
Novelist
Writer
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
People
Armed
Assume
Claim
Assuming
Claims
Caught
American
Made
Gunpoint

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Money is for doing things, my love. Don't sit on it like a hen sits on an egg. It doesn't hatch. I should know. I've made enough of it.
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A pause while my mother made high-pitched sisterly devotions of gratitude.
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I envisioned huge piles of the Elf Hotel flying off the belt, taking down everybody in sight. I had seen pictures of that Elf Hotel - it had sharp candy-cane spires that could easily impale someone. If anyone was ever going to be killed by an Elf Hotel, it would be my parents.
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With that, I splashed some water on my face, fixed on a smile, and stepped out. I would find Jerome. I would make him explain to me what I was missing. We would laugh, then we would kiss with tongue, and all would be well.
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Dr. Everest, got up and gave us a little pep talk. Mostly it boiled down to the fact that it was autumn, and everyone was back, and while that was a great thing, people better not get cocky or misbehave or he'd personally kill us all. He didn't actually say those words, but that was the subtext.
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This kind of thing always amazed Ginny--people who just walked away from institutions. People who left school when they didn't see the point. Aunt Peg had done that. Ginny knew she never would. That either made her someone who worked hard and finished things, or someone who didn't have the guts to break away from the pack. Maybe both.
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I could pretend, at least, and if I pretended long enough, maybe I could make it into a reality.
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I may have been a complete lunatic, but I was a complete lunatic with manners.
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Kissing is something that makes up for a lot of other crap you have to put up with...It can be confusing and weird and awkward, but sometimes it just makes you melt and forget everything that is going on.
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Walk really, really carefully. It's not complicated, but if you mess up, you'll die, so pay attention.
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What tinfoil? he asked.
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I realize Jubilee is a bit of a stripper name. You probably think I have heard the call of the pole.
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I like you because you were mad. And you're pretty. And pretty sane for a mad person.
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She wasn't only gay, she was a gay elf.
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She was standing in the airport of Copenhagen, staring at a doorway, trying to figure out if it was (a) a bathroom and (b) what kind of bathroom it was. The door merely said H. Was she an H? Was H hers? It could just as easily be his. Or Helicopter Room: Not a Bathroom at All
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Hey! Jack the Wanker! Over here! I want your autograph!
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No sausage? he asked. Apparently my pork consumption habits were a matter of public record.
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Some nutter's gone and pulled a Jack the Ripper.
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