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No one in history had ever done less and yet been so wrong.

Maureen Johnson

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Maureen Johnson
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: February 16
Author
Novelist
Writer
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Less
History
Ever
Done
Wrong

More quotes by Maureen Johnson

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The essay I had to read was called, An Essay on Criticism by Alexander Pope. The first challenge was that the essay was, in fact, a very long poem in heroic couplets. If something is called an essay, it should be an essay.
Maureen Johnson
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What are you? I asked. I'm the Ghost of the Night Before Exams. And how long did it take you to come up with that? Jazza asked. I'm a busy man, he replied.
Maureen Johnson
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Also, when on a campaign to convince a stranger that you aren't a few fries short of a Happy Meal, throwing around phrases like tangentially Swedish is not the best way to go.
Maureen Johnson
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I read two mysteries a day when I was a kid. All of Agatha Christie, all of 'Sherlock Holmes.' I've seen every single British detective show ever made.
Maureen Johnson
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Guilt isn't always a rational thing, Clio realized. Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.
Maureen Johnson
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Well, what now? You have no job. I have no job. Wanna play Jenga?
Maureen Johnson
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She wasn't only gay, she was a gay elf.
Maureen Johnson
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Something about this boat screamed, I am a very popular model in the world's oil-bearing regions. I cost more than your soul!
Maureen Johnson
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This kind of thing always amazed Ginny--people who just walked away from institutions. People who left school when they didn't see the point. Aunt Peg had done that. Ginny knew she never would. That either made her someone who worked hard and finished things, or someone who didn't have the guts to break away from the pack. Maybe both.
Maureen Johnson
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Don't get stabbed. It makes everything awkward.
Maureen Johnson
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I envisioned huge piles of the Elf Hotel flying off the belt, taking down everybody in sight. I had seen pictures of that Elf Hotel - it had sharp candy-cane spires that could easily impale someone. If anyone was ever going to be killed by an Elf Hotel, it would be my parents.
Maureen Johnson
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Proximity doesn't breed familiarity.
Maureen Johnson
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What tinfoil? he asked.
Maureen Johnson
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I'm done. I'm going to go to bed and read important books about theater. It would would be easier if you just said porn, Scarlett said. No idea what you're talking about. But knock first if you need me.
Maureen Johnson
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Fear can't hurt you, she said. When it washes over you, give it no power. It's a snake with no venom. Remember that. That knowledge can save you.
Maureen Johnson
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I had always assumed the weekend was a holy tradition, respected by good people everywhere. Not so at Wexford.
Maureen Johnson
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Did you hear? he asked. They found another body around nine this morning. It's the Ripper, definitely. Good morning, I replied. Morning. Listen to this. The second victim.
Maureen Johnson
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Welsh is an actual, currently used language and our next-door neighbors Angela and Gaenor spoke it. It sounds like Wizard.
Maureen Johnson
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You're...a demon hunter?' 'It's not as exciting as it sounds,' he said. 'There is a surprising amount of paperwork involved.
Maureen Johnson
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Sometimes I even felt like he dated me as part of his plan, like they were going to have a checklist on the application, and one of the things to tick off was going to be, Do you have a reasonably intelligent girlfriend who shares your aspirations, and who is fully prepared to accept your limited availability?
Maureen Johnson