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Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies.

Maureen Johnson

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Maureen Johnson
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: February 16
Author
Novelist
Writer
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Time
Flirt
Flirting
Puppy
Dies
Trying
Every

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Kissing is something that makes up for a lot of other crap you have to put up with...It can be confusing and weird and awkward, but sometimes it just makes you melt and forget everything that is going on.
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This pool is a triumph of imagination. That's how you win at life, Gin. You have to imagine your way through. Never say something can't be done. There's always a solution, even if it's weird.
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The truth was that she had managed to betray everyone by doing nothing. No one in history had ever done less and yet been so wrong. Not cheating on a non-boyfriend with the non-boyfriend of a friend. The pressure of thinking that one through made her swollen body ache.
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Did you hear? he asked. They found another body around nine this morning. It's the Ripper, definitely. Good morning, I replied. Morning. Listen to this. The second victim.
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Tell me what you want, what you really, really want, he said. Braiiinnnnssss, we said in unison.
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But we made our own fun, mostly. I recall a time, many years later, when American children seemed unable to amuse themselves without a fortune in electrical and electronic equipment. We had no fancy equipment and did not miss it.
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Money is for doing things, my love. Don't sit on it like a hen sits on an egg. It doesn't hatch. I should know. I've made enough of it.
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Hey! Jack the Wanker! Over here! I want your autograph!
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Tired, but not the kind of tired that sleep fixes.
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Sometimes people graduate but they don't leave. They hang around for years, for no reason. I would think of ghosts like that, I decided.
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Don't get stabbed. It makes everything awkward.
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We study there a lot because... what other choice does society give us, right? It's Starbucks or death, sometimes.
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I guess life is full of maybes.
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I feel warm and reassured, I whispered. He's like Santa.
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I try to shake it loose-but these ideas, they cling. It's like I'm shackled to them with an iron chain. They rattle along behind me, dragging against the ground, always reminding me of their presence.
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The kids I talk to are readers, and the craziest, the most dedicated readers you will ever see.
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Just then, my phone started ringing. The ring must have been damaged by the water as well, so now it had a high, keening note - kind of the sound I imagine a mermaid might make if you punched her in the face.
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There is no normal. I've never met a normal person. The concept is flawed. It implies that there is only one way people are supposed to be, and that can't possible be true. Human experience is far too varied.
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I like you because you were mad. And you're pretty. And pretty sane for a mad person.
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And if we get caught, I will claim I made you go. At gunpoint. I am American. People will assume I'm armed.
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