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Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies.

Maureen Johnson

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Maureen Johnson
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: February 16
Author
Novelist
Writer
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Puppy
Dies
Trying
Every
Time
Flirt
Flirting

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People always say they can't do things, that they're impossible. They just haven't been creative enough.
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I sleep better knowing that a naked cork-eater is not sneaking around at night, stealing my underwear.
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Something about her suggested that her leisure activities included wrestling large woodland animals and banging bricks together.
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Some nutter's gone and pulled a Jack the Ripper.
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She wasn't only gay, she was a gay elf.
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One question, I said. Did you tell me all that because you think I'm going to die? No, he said. It's because you're doing something brave, and I felt I should too. I'll take that as a yes, I said.
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Oh my God! said one of the Ambers. Is this not the worst trip ever? Did you see the snow? She was a sharp one, this Amber. What would she notice next? The train? The moon? The hilarious vagaries of human existence? Her own head?
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I'm done. I'm going to go to bed and read important books about theater. It would would be easier if you just said porn, Scarlett said. No idea what you're talking about. But knock first if you need me.
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She firmly held the theory that everyone gets at least one very stupid superpower.
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But we made our own fun, mostly. I recall a time, many years later, when American children seemed unable to amuse themselves without a fortune in electrical and electronic equipment. We had no fancy equipment and did not miss it.
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I feel warm and reassured, I whispered. He's like Santa.
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This is England, he explained. Tell someone it's a procedure, and they'll believe you. The pointless procedure is one of our great natural resources.
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She was standing in the airport of Copenhagen, staring at a doorway, trying to figure out if it was (a) a bathroom and (b) what kind of bathroom it was. The door merely said H. Was she an H? Was H hers? It could just as easily be his. Or Helicopter Room: Not a Bathroom at All
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