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Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies.

Maureen Johnson

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Maureen Johnson
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: February 16
Author
Novelist
Writer
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Trying
Every
Time
Flirt
Flirting
Puppy
Dies

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Oh my God! said one of the Ambers. Is this not the worst trip ever? Did you see the snow? She was a sharp one, this Amber. What would she notice next? The train? The moon? The hilarious vagaries of human existence? Her own head?
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What are you? I asked. I'm the Ghost of the Night Before Exams. And how long did it take you to come up with that? Jazza asked. I'm a busy man, he replied.
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Welsh is an actual, currently used language and our next-door neighbors Angela and Gaenor spoke it. It sounds like Wizard.
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Which is both gross and breathtakingly romantic. He could always have just gone upstairs and brushed his teeth, but he stayed and lurked by the fish for me.
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Walk really, really carefully. It's not complicated, but if you mess up, you'll die, so pay attention.
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I realize Jubilee is a bit of a stripper name. You probably think I have heard the call of the pole.
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Once again, her parents' problems had run through her life like a piece of heavy equipment, smashing everything in their way.
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Before I take you into the beating heart of the story, let’s get one thing out of the way. I know from experience that when it comes up later, it will distract you so much that you won’t be able to concentrate on anything else I will tell you. My name is Jubilee Dougal. Take a moment and let it sink in.
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Guilt isn't always a rational thing, Clio realized. Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.
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Sometimes artist like to catch themselves looking out, let the world see them for once. It's a signature. This one is a very bold one. But this is also a witnessing. We want to remember, and we want to be remembered. That's why we paint.
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No one in history had ever done less and yet been so wrong.
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Something about her suggested that her leisure activities included wrestling large woodland animals and banging bricks together.
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Money is for doing things, my love. Don't sit on it like a hen sits on an egg. It doesn't hatch. I should know. I've made enough of it.
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She firmly held the theory that everyone gets at least one very stupid superpower.
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One person's crazy is another person's sane, I guess.
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I am a mass of contradictions.
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They weren't pressed together as closely as normal, but his shoulder bumped hers, then remained there. It was very subtle, and possibly even accidental, but it was enough.
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Just then, my phone started ringing. The ring must have been damaged by the water as well, so now it had a high, keening note - kind of the sound I imagine a mermaid might make if you punched her in the face.
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I like you because you were mad. And you're pretty. And pretty sane for a mad person.
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Nothing was quite like it was supposed to be.
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