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Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies.
Maureen Johnson
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Maureen Johnson
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: February 16
Author
Novelist
Writer
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Flirting
Puppy
Dies
Trying
Every
Time
Flirt
More quotes by Maureen Johnson
Nothing was quite like it was supposed to be.
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Some nutter's gone and pulled a Jack the Ripper.
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I like you because you were mad. And you're pretty. And pretty sane for a mad person.
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Tired, but not the kind of tired that sleep fixes.
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A pause while my mother made high-pitched sisterly devotions of gratitude.
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Can I tell you something you really don't want to hear? He's going to break up with you. - Stuart
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We study there a lot because... what other choice does society give us, right? It's Starbucks or death, sometimes.
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Well, what now? You have no job. I have no job. Wanna play Jenga?
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Walk really, really carefully. It's not complicated, but if you mess up, you'll die, so pay attention.
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I like to talk. Talking is kind of my thing. If talking had been a sport option at Wexford, I would have been captain. But sports always have to involve running, jumping, or swinging your arms around. You don’t get PE points for the smooth and rapid movement of the jaw.
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Did you hear? he asked. They found another body around nine this morning. It's the Ripper, definitely. Good morning, I replied. Morning. Listen to this. The second victim.
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I may have been a complete lunatic, but I was a complete lunatic with manners.
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But we made our own fun, mostly. I recall a time, many years later, when American children seemed unable to amuse themselves without a fortune in electrical and electronic equipment. We had no fancy equipment and did not miss it.
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There is no normal. I've never met a normal person. The concept is flawed. It implies that there is only one way people are supposed to be, and that can't possible be true. Human experience is far too varied.
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Just then, my phone started ringing. The ring must have been damaged by the water as well, so now it had a high, keening note - kind of the sound I imagine a mermaid might make if you punched her in the face.
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One of them hung a pink bra from our lighting fixture. I left it there. It was a nice bra
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These houses had been plunked down with an alarming randomness -- unevenly spaced, on crooked lines, like whoever had designed the place had said, We'll just follow this cat, and wherever he sits down, we'll build something.
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Once again, her parents' problems had run through her life like a piece of heavy equipment, smashing everything in their way.
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It was fine, I said stiffly. We played Mouse Trap. Is that what they're calling it these days? she asked, throwing me a terrible grin. I have to go give Rachel a quick bath. Feel free to make yourself some cocoa or whatever you like! She stopped short of adding ...future child-bride of my only son.
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A woman who shaves or otherwise depilates her pubic curls has a profound interest in recreational sex.
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