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Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies.
Maureen Johnson
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Maureen Johnson
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: February 16
Author
Novelist
Writer
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Flirt
Flirting
Puppy
Dies
Trying
Every
Time
More quotes by Maureen Johnson
No one in history had ever done less and yet been so wrong.
Maureen Johnson
Money is for doing things, my love. Don't sit on it like a hen sits on an egg. It doesn't hatch. I should know. I've made enough of it.
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Life is always going to be a series of ouch-making moments, and the question was, was I going to go all fetal position, or was I going to woman up? I went into fetal position on the bed to think about this. Fetal position turned out to be very comfortable.
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Some nutter's gone and pulled a Jack the Ripper.
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Spicy food and I have a close relationship—an obsessive one, in fact. If it’s spicy, I want it. I want to sweat and shake and go half blind from the searing pain . . . which, now that I put it that way, seems really suggestive. But spicy stuff is addictive. That’s a known fact of science.
Maureen Johnson
Fear can't hurt you, she said. When it washes over you, give it no power. It's a snake with no venom. Remember that. That knowledge can save you.
Maureen Johnson
I still have a whopping bad case of what you call scag magnetism. I thought i had gotten rid of it there, but it looks like scary guys still materialize from thin air in my presence. They are drawn to me. I am the North Pole, and they are the explorers of love.
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What are you? I asked. I'm the Ghost of the Night Before Exams. And how long did it take you to come up with that? Jazza asked. I'm a busy man, he replied.
Maureen Johnson
Did you hear? he asked. They found another body around nine this morning. It's the Ripper, definitely. Good morning, I replied. Morning. Listen to this. The second victim.
Maureen Johnson
No sausage? he asked. Apparently my pork consumption habits were a matter of public record.
Maureen Johnson
Sometimes people graduate but they don't leave. They hang around for years, for no reason. I would think of ghosts like that, I decided.
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She firmly held the theory that everyone gets at least one very stupid superpower.
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I had always assumed the weekend was a holy tradition, respected by good people everywhere. Not so at Wexford.
Maureen Johnson
Also, when on a campaign to convince a stranger that you aren't a few fries short of a Happy Meal, throwing around phrases like tangentially Swedish is not the best way to go.
Maureen Johnson
Tell me what you want, what you really, really want, he said. Braiiinnnnssss, we said in unison.
Maureen Johnson
This kind of thing always amazed Ginny--people who just walked away from institutions. People who left school when they didn't see the point. Aunt Peg had done that. Ginny knew she never would. That either made her someone who worked hard and finished things, or someone who didn't have the guts to break away from the pack. Maybe both.
Maureen Johnson
I have no phobias. Phobias are irrational. My fears are rational and CAREFULLY CULTIVATED, like roses.
Maureen Johnson
I knew it was beautiful, but knowing something is beautiful and caring about it are two very different things, and I didn't care.
Maureen Johnson
The kids I talk to are readers, and the craziest, the most dedicated readers you will ever see.
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They weren't pressed together as closely as normal, but his shoulder bumped hers, then remained there. It was very subtle, and possibly even accidental, but it was enough.
Maureen Johnson