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Oh my God! said one of the Ambers. Is this not the worst trip ever? Did you see the snow? She was a sharp one, this Amber. What would she notice next? The train? The moon? The hilarious vagaries of human existence? Her own head?
Maureen Johnson
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Maureen Johnson
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: February 16
Author
Novelist
Writer
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Next
Sharp
Ever
Notice
Human
Snow
Humans
Train
Would
Moon
Vagaries
Worst
Amber
Head
Hilarious
Existence
Trip
More quotes by Maureen Johnson
Well, what now? You have no job. I have no job. Wanna play Jenga?
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I am a mass of contradictions.
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Something about this boat screamed, I am a very popular model in the world's oil-bearing regions. I cost more than your soul!
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I read two mysteries a day when I was a kid. All of Agatha Christie, all of 'Sherlock Holmes.' I've seen every single British detective show ever made.
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This is England, he explained. Tell someone it's a procedure, and they'll believe you. The pointless procedure is one of our great natural resources.
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I could envision it all to clearly: Stuart or Debbie finding the dented door off its hinges, lying in the snow. She came in, ravaged the boy, stole plastic bags, and ripped off the door in her escape, the police would say in the APB. Probably making her way to bust her parents out of jail.
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I knew it was beautiful, but knowing something is beautiful and caring about it are two very different things, and I didn't care.
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I sleep better knowing that a naked cork-eater is not sneaking around at night, stealing my underwear.
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When I worked in theater, I was always writing things on Post-it Notes and sticking them on screens or desks. Twitter has given me a way of continuing to post those notes, only a lot of other people see them, too.
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I may have been a complete lunatic, but I was a complete lunatic with manners.
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With that, I splashed some water on my face, fixed on a smile, and stepped out. I would find Jerome. I would make him explain to me what I was missing. We would laugh, then we would kiss with tongue, and all would be well.
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A woman who shaves or otherwise depilates her pubic curls has a profound interest in recreational sex.
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Debbie had to get up and slice me a thick piece of cake before she could answer. And I do mean thick. Harry Potter volume seven thick. I could have knocked out a burglar with this piece of cake. Once I tasted it, though, it seemed just the right size.
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Also, when on a campaign to convince a stranger that you aren't a few fries short of a Happy Meal, throwing around phrases like tangentially Swedish is not the best way to go.
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I have no phobias. Phobias are irrational. My fears are rational and CAREFULLY CULTIVATED, like roses.
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The truth was that she had managed to betray everyone by doing nothing. No one in history had ever done less and yet been so wrong. Not cheating on a non-boyfriend with the non-boyfriend of a friend. The pressure of thinking that one through made her swollen body ache.
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Some nutter's gone and pulled a Jack the Ripper.
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Proximity doesn't breed familiarity.
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People always say they can't do things, that they're impossible. They just haven't been creative enough.
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We study there a lot because... what other choice does society give us, right? It's Starbucks or death, sometimes.
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