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She wasn't only gay, she was a gay elf.

Maureen Johnson

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Maureen Johnson
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: February 16
Author
Novelist
Writer
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Gay
Wasn

More quotes by Maureen Johnson

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Tired, but not the kind of tired that sleep fixes.
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A woman who shaves or otherwise depilates her pubic curls has a profound interest in recreational sex.
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Tell me what you want, what you really, really want, he said. Braiiinnnnssss, we said in unison.
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No one in history had ever done less and yet been so wrong.
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Before I take you into the beating heart of the story, let’s get one thing out of the way. I know from experience that when it comes up later, it will distract you so much that you won’t be able to concentrate on anything else I will tell you. My name is Jubilee Dougal. Take a moment and let it sink in.
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No sausage? he asked. Apparently my pork consumption habits were a matter of public record.
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Can I tell you something you really don't want to hear? He's going to break up with you. - Stuart
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There is no normal. I've never met a normal person. The concept is flawed. It implies that there is only one way people are supposed to be, and that can't possible be true. Human experience is far too varied.
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She was standing in the airport of Copenhagen, staring at a doorway, trying to figure out if it was (a) a bathroom and (b) what kind of bathroom it was. The door merely said H. Was she an H? Was H hers? It could just as easily be his. Or Helicopter Room: Not a Bathroom at All
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Sometimes it is worth any amount of suffering just to prevent giving your parents the opportunity to be right.
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Once again, her parents' problems had run through her life like a piece of heavy equipment, smashing everything in their way.
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I may have been a complete lunatic, but I was a complete lunatic with manners.
Maureen Johnson
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One person's crazy is another person's sane, I guess.
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She firmly held the theory that everyone gets at least one very stupid superpower.
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She looks like a jumper to me. Jumpers do that a lot, stand on the edge and stare out. Never kill yourself in a Tube station. Tip number one. You might end up down here forever, staring at the wall. Stephen coughed a little. Just giving advice, Callum said.
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Walk really, really carefully. It's not complicated, but if you mess up, you'll die, so pay attention.
Maureen Johnson
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These houses had been plunked down with an alarming randomness -- unevenly spaced, on crooked lines, like whoever had designed the place had said, We'll just follow this cat, and wherever he sits down, we'll build something.
Maureen Johnson
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Some nutter's gone and pulled a Jack the Ripper.
Maureen Johnson
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WORTH IT and perfect are different things. No one’s perfect, yet in romance, everyone becomes WORTH IT. And that’s the trick.
Maureen Johnson
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Life is always going to be a series of ouch-making moments, and the question was, was I going to go all fetal position, or was I going to woman up? I went into fetal position on the bed to think about this. Fetal position turned out to be very comfortable.
Maureen Johnson