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She wasn't only gay, she was a gay elf.

Maureen Johnson

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Maureen Johnson
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: February 16
Author
Novelist
Writer
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Gay
Wasn

More quotes by Maureen Johnson

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Before I take you into the beating heart of the story, let’s get one thing out of the way. I know from experience that when it comes up later, it will distract you so much that you won’t be able to concentrate on anything else I will tell you. My name is Jubilee Dougal. Take a moment and let it sink in.
Maureen Johnson
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Money is for doing things, my love. Don't sit on it like a hen sits on an egg. It doesn't hatch. I should know. I've made enough of it.
Maureen Johnson
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Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies.
Maureen Johnson
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I try to shake it loose-but these ideas, they cling. It's like I'm shackled to them with an iron chain. They rattle along behind me, dragging against the ground, always reminding me of their presence.
Maureen Johnson
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It was fine, I said stiffly. We played Mouse Trap. Is that what they're calling it these days? she asked, throwing me a terrible grin. I have to go give Rachel a quick bath. Feel free to make yourself some cocoa or whatever you like! She stopped short of adding ...future child-bride of my only son.
Maureen Johnson
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Prefects. I had learned this one. Student council types, but with superpowers. They who must be obeyed.
Maureen Johnson
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With that, I splashed some water on my face, fixed on a smile, and stepped out. I would find Jerome. I would make him explain to me what I was missing. We would laugh, then we would kiss with tongue, and all would be well.
Maureen Johnson
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I had one class in the morning, the mysteriously named Further Maths. It was two hours long and so deeply frightening that I think I went into a trance.
Maureen Johnson
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Did you hear? he asked. They found another body around nine this morning. It's the Ripper, definitely. Good morning, I replied. Morning. Listen to this. The second victim.
Maureen Johnson
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She firmly held the theory that everyone gets at least one very stupid superpower.
Maureen Johnson
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Also, when on a campaign to convince a stranger that you aren't a few fries short of a Happy Meal, throwing around phrases like tangentially Swedish is not the best way to go.
Maureen Johnson
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I envisioned huge piles of the Elf Hotel flying off the belt, taking down everybody in sight. I had seen pictures of that Elf Hotel - it had sharp candy-cane spires that could easily impale someone. If anyone was ever going to be killed by an Elf Hotel, it would be my parents.
Maureen Johnson
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They weren't pressed together as closely as normal, but his shoulder bumped hers, then remained there. It was very subtle, and possibly even accidental, but it was enough.
Maureen Johnson
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Walk really, really carefully. It's not complicated, but if you mess up, you'll die, so pay attention.
Maureen Johnson
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I guess life is full of maybes.
Maureen Johnson
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Guilt isn't always a rational thing, Clio realized. Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.
Maureen Johnson
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She looks like a jumper to me. Jumpers do that a lot, stand on the edge and stare out. Never kill yourself in a Tube station. Tip number one. You might end up down here forever, staring at the wall. Stephen coughed a little. Just giving advice, Callum said.
Maureen Johnson
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I realize Jubilee is a bit of a stripper name. You probably think I have heard the call of the pole.
Maureen Johnson
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Ah, he said. I had an . . . artistic disagreement with the director of the panto. As it happens, I take issue with the objectification of women in Cinderella, and the reliance on shoes as a means of identification. Surely you understand.
Maureen Johnson
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Once again, her parents' problems had run through her life like a piece of heavy equipment, smashing everything in their way.
Maureen Johnson