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She wasn't only gay, she was a gay elf.

Maureen Johnson

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Maureen Johnson
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: February 16
Author
Novelist
Writer
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Wasn
Gay

More quotes by Maureen Johnson

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People always say they can't do things, that they're impossible. They just haven't been creative enough.
Maureen Johnson
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I still have a whopping bad case of what you call scag magnetism. I thought i had gotten rid of it there, but it looks like scary guys still materialize from thin air in my presence. They are drawn to me. I am the North Pole, and they are the explorers of love.
Maureen Johnson
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Life is always going to be a series of ouch-making moments, and the question was, was I going to go all fetal position, or was I going to woman up? I went into fetal position on the bed to think about this. Fetal position turned out to be very comfortable.
Maureen Johnson
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And if we get caught, I will claim I made you go. At gunpoint. I am American. People will assume I'm armed.
Maureen Johnson
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One of them hung a pink bra from our lighting fixture. I left it there. It was a nice bra
Maureen Johnson
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They weren't pressed together as closely as normal, but his shoulder bumped hers, then remained there. It was very subtle, and possibly even accidental, but it was enough.
Maureen Johnson
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Why are Americans so fascinated by Ireland? Keith asked... you all think you're Irish. What's the appeal? Do you like the accent more? Is it all the magical rocks? Oh, look, a lep­rechaun.
Maureen Johnson
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WORTH IT and perfect are different things. No one’s perfect, yet in romance, everyone becomes WORTH IT. And that’s the trick.
Maureen Johnson
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Money is for doing things, my love. Don't sit on it like a hen sits on an egg. It doesn't hatch. I should know. I've made enough of it.
Maureen Johnson
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English rain feels obligatory, like paperwork. It dampens already damn days and slicks the stones.
Maureen Johnson
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I envisioned huge piles of the Elf Hotel flying off the belt, taking down everybody in sight. I had seen pictures of that Elf Hotel - it had sharp candy-cane spires that could easily impale someone. If anyone was ever going to be killed by an Elf Hotel, it would be my parents.
Maureen Johnson
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One person's crazy is another person's sane, I guess.
Maureen Johnson
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This is England, he explained. Tell someone it's a procedure, and they'll believe you. The pointless procedure is one of our great natural resources.
Maureen Johnson
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I've heard people on panels say, 'You must have a Web site. You need to tweet. Repeat the title of your book constantly,' and I just want to say, 'Shut up. Everything you're saying is wrong.' People will know instantly if your only motivation for tweeting is to sell books.
Maureen Johnson
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I read two mysteries a day when I was a kid. All of Agatha Christie, all of 'Sherlock Holmes.' I've seen every single British detective show ever made.
Maureen Johnson
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Sometimes artist like to catch themselves looking out, let the world see them for once. It's a signature. This one is a very bold one. But this is also a witnessing. We want to remember, and we want to be remembered. That's why we paint.
Maureen Johnson
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Something about this boat screamed, I am a very popular model in the world's oil-bearing regions. I cost more than your soul!
Maureen Johnson
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Irony is the word I forget the meaning of immediately after I look it up, but I kind of feel like I live in a constant state of it.
Maureen Johnson
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I like to talk. Talking is kind of my thing. If talking had been a sport option at Wexford, I would have been captain. But sports always have to involve running, jumping, or swinging your arms around. You don’t get PE points for the smooth and rapid movement of the jaw.
Maureen Johnson
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The essay I had to read was called, An Essay on Criticism by Alexander Pope. The first challenge was that the essay was, in fact, a very long poem in heroic couplets. If something is called an essay, it should be an essay.
Maureen Johnson