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Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

Matt Groening

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Matt Groening
Age: 54
Actor
Animator
Author
Cartoonist
Comics Artist
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Portland
Oregon
Matthew Abram Groening
Matthew Groening
Like
Eskimos
Gremlins
Elves
Vampires
Hilarious
Vampire
Believe
Make

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My standard comment is, If you don't want your kids to be like Bart Simpson, don't act like Homer Simpson.
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Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. It's nothing to be particularly proud of, either.
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Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons. --Mr. Burns
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I don't mind sharing the blame if she'll just admit she started it.
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I'm presently incarcerated. Convicted of a crime I didn't even commit. Hah! Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?
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With Futurama, I wanted to do unrequited love, and David Cohen agreed, and although our original plan was never to have Fry and Leela get together, we finally just said, You can only string the fans along so far.
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The amazing thing about Freak Out! was that there was nothing quite like it in rock 'n roll at the time. It was really simultaneously crude and ugly, and incredibly sophisticated. The Beatles were funny, but there was nothing with the kind of sneer that you could feel in the music of Frank Zappa.
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One of the great things about the Internet is that you can read what everybody has to say about everything. It is fascinating to me, the critiques about humor by people who have no sense of humor.
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When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!
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How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
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The tendency in comedy is to have a character who's stupid get more stupid, because you're trying to top yourself and not just repeat.
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This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America! Homer Simpson
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Cartooning is for people who can't quite draw and can't quite write. You combine the two half-talents and come up with a career.
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Being a good embalmer is a thankless job.
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I'm not going to stop torturing myself till I figure out the cause of my pain.
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If something is too hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV.
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I've conducted an experiment on my kids. Instead of denying them access to media, I've encouraged it. They read comic books, play Nintendo and watch way too much TV.
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Think beer drink beer.
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Warning signs that lover is bored: 1. Passionless kisses 2. Frequent sighing 3. Moved, left no forwarding address.
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Welcome to Suckersville, man.
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