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Why do I want to run from happiness?

Mary Balogh

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Mary Balogh
Age: 80
Born: 1944
Born: March 24
Novelist
Writer
Abertawe
Happiness
Running

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Was memory always as much of a burden as it could sometimes be a blessing.
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Even friends need private spaces, if only within the depths of their own souls, where no one else is allowed to intrude.
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Everyone was a rose but even more complex than a mere flower. Everyone was made up of infinitely layered petals. And everyone had something indescribably precious at the heart of their being. No one was shallow. Not really.
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There is no happily-ever-after to run to. We have to work for happiness.
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But if one had everything one could ever need or want, what was left to dream of?
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My happiness has to come from within myself or it is too fragile a thing to be of any use to me and too much of a burden to benefit any of my loved ones.
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Why did people assume that the beautiful among them needed nothing but their beauty to bring them happiness? That behind the beauty there was nothing but an empty shell, insensitive shell?
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But parents, she supposed, were not the pinnacle of perfection their children thought or expected them to be. They were humans who usually did the best they could but often made the wrong choices.
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I have read somewhere that we often spend a lifetime searching for what we already have.
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One day you will learn that love does not always betray you.
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The worst thing about loneliness is that it brings one face to face with oneself.
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It was so much more comfortable to be able to divide people into heroes and villains and expect them to play their allotted part.
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Fear is a powerful beast, if it is allowed the mastery.
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I can be hurt, she said, only by people I respect.
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Every moment is a moment of decision, and every moment turns us inexorably in the direction of the rest of our lives.
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Life, she realized, so often became a determined, relentless avoidance of pain-of one's own, of other people's. But sometimes pain had to be acknowledged and even touched so that one could move into it and through it and past it. Or else be destroyed by it.
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I would be consumed by you,' she said, and blinked her eyes furiously when she felt them fill with tears. 'You would sap all the energy and all the joy from me. You would put out all the fire of my vitality.' 'Give me a chance to fan the flames of that fire,' he said, 'and to nurture your joy.
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And he knew at that moment that love world never die, that it would never fade away altogether. The time might come when he would meet and marry someone else. He might even be reasonably happy. But there would always be a deep precious place in his heart that belonged to his first real love.
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I'm terrified that I will never be able to put him from my mind. I don't love him but I'm afraid that he will make it impossible for me ever to love anyone else.
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