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Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the need met.

Marshall B. Rosenberg

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Marshall B. Rosenberg
Needs
Unmet
Focusing
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Communication
Judgment
Need

More quotes by Marshall B. Rosenberg

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When we are angry, killing people is too superficial.
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Getting in touch with unmet needs is important to the healing process.
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Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy.
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Clinical training in psychoanalysis has a deficit. It teaches how to sit and think about what a person is saying and how to interpret it intellectually, but not how to be fully present to this person.
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When people hear needs, it provokes compassion. When people hear diagnoses, it provokes defensiveness and attack.
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There are the two main reasons we don't get our needs met. First, we don't know how to express our needs to begin with and second if we do, we forget to put a clear request after it, or we use vague words like appreciate, listen, recognize, know, be real, and stuff like that.
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We want people to change because they see better ways of meeting their needs at less cost, not because of fear that we're going to punish them, or 'guilt' them if they don't. This applies to ourselves as well.
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The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion.
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Anger is a signal that you're distracted by judgmental or punitive thinking, and that some precious need of yours is being ignored.
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Whether I praise or criticize someone's action, I imply that I am their judge, that I'm engaged in rating them or what they have done.
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Miracles can happen when we can keep our consciousness away from analyzing and classifying one another.
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To be able to hear our own feelings and needs and to empathize with them can free us from depression.
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Praise and reward create a system of extrinsic motivations for behavior. Children (and adults) end up taking action in order to receive the praise or rewards.
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With empathy we don't direct, we follow. Don't just do something, be there.
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In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them.
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Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful - but it's a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation.
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Also, think about your intentionality - are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don't want to do the mechanics without the consciousness.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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Self-empathy in NVC means checking in with your own feelings and needs.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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Punishment also includes judgmental labeling and the withholding of privileges.
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People heal from their pain when they have an authentic connection with another human being.
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