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Labeling and diagnosis is a catastrophic way to communicate. Telling other people what's wrong with them greatly reduces, almost to zero, the probability that we're going to get what we're after.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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Marshall B. Rosenberg
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More quotes by Marshall B. Rosenberg
NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action that we now regret.
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People have been trained to criticize, insult, and otherwise communicate in ways that create distance among people.
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In our culture, most of us have been trained to ignore our own wants and to discount our needs.
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If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and needing.
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It's never what people do that makes us angry it's what we tell ourselves about what they did.
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If people just asked: Here are the needs of both sides, here are the resources. What can be done to meet these needs? the conflict would be easy to resolve.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
We want people to change because they see better ways of meeting their needs at less cost, not because of fear that we're going to punish them, or 'guilt' them if they don't. This applies to ourselves as well.
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We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part.
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We give empathy to others for our own benefit.
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A respectful understanding of another's experience.
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Every moment each human being is doing the best we know at that moment to meet our needs. We never do anything that is not in the service of a need, there is no conflict on our planet at the level of needs. We all have the same needs. The problem is in strategies for meeting the needs.
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When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Punishment also includes judgmental labeling and the withholding of privileges.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being
Marshall B. Rosenberg
When people hear needs, it provokes compassion. When people hear diagnoses, it provokes defensiveness and attack.
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When we listen for feelings and needs - we can see that people who seem like monsters are simply human beings whose language and behavior sometimes keep us from seeing their humanness.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Two things distinguish nonviolent actions from violent actions. First, you don't see an enemy and second, your intention is not to make the other side suffer.
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Instead of playing the game Making Life Wonderful, we often play the game called Who's Right. Do you know that game? It's a game where everybody loses.
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All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.
Marshall B. Rosenberg