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I think that there is a problem with rewards and consequences because in the long run, they rarely work in the ways we hope. In fact, they are likely to backfire.

Marshall B. Rosenberg

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Marshall B. Rosenberg
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Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being
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Praise and reward create a system of extrinsic motivations for behavior. Children (and adults) end up taking action in order to receive the praise or rewards.
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I don't think you can have an authentic connection when one person is diagnosing the other.
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Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.
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Instead of playing the game Making Life Wonderful, we often play the game called Who's Right. Do you know that game? It's a game where everybody loses.
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Learning is too precious to be motivated by coercive tactics.
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I believe that the most joyful and intrinsic motivation human beings have for taking any action is the desire to meet our needs and the needs of others.
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Empathy lies in our ability to be present without opinion.
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Every moment each human being is doing the best we know at that moment to meet our needs. We never do anything that is not in the service of a need, there is no conflict on our planet at the level of needs. We all have the same needs. The problem is in strategies for meeting the needs.
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If we ask two questions, we will see that punishment never works. First: What do we want the other person to do? Second: What do we want the other person's reasons to be for doing as we request?
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We are this divine energy. It's not something we have to attain. We just have to realize it, to be present to it.
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There are the two main reasons we don't get our needs met. First, we don't know how to express our needs to begin with and second if we do, we forget to put a clear request after it, or we use vague words like appreciate, listen, recognize, know, be real, and stuff like that.
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Judgments of others contribute to self-fulfilling prophecies.
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We need empathy to give empathy.
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Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the need met.
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