Quote

Four D's of Disconnection: 1. Diagnosis (judgment, analysis, criticism, comparison) 2. Denial of Responsibility 3. Demand 4. 'Deserve' oriented language.

Marshall B. Rosenberg

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Marshall B. Rosenberg
Deserve
Disconnection
Judgment
Diagnosis
Demand
Oriented
Responsibility
Comparison
Four
Denial
Language
Analysis
Criticism
Communication

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Regardless of our many differences, we all have the same needs. What differs is the strategy for fulfilling these needs.
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Get very clear about the kind of world we would like and then start living that way.
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Empathizing with someone's 'no' protects us from taking it personally.
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We are designed for Giving
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Judgments of others contribute to self-fulfilling prophecies.
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When we are in contact with our feelings and needs, we humans no longer make good slaves and underlings.
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If we ask two questions, we will see that punishment never works. First: What do we want the other person to do? Second: What do we want the other person's reasons to be for doing as we request?
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We need empathy to give empathy. When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out.
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In our culture, most of us have been trained to ignore our own wants and to discount our needs.
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Self-empathy in NVC means checking in with your own feelings and needs.
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Our survival as a species depends on our ability to recognize that our well-being and the well-being of others are in fact one and the same.
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By maintaining our attention on what's going on within others, we offer them a chance to fully explore and express their interior selves. We would stem this flow if we were to shift attention too quickly either to their request or to our own desire to express ourselves.
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NVC requires us to be continually conscious of the beauty within ourselves and other people.
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Don't hate the circumstance, you may miss the blessing
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If people just asked: Here are the needs of both sides, here are the resources. What can be done to meet these needs? the conflict would be easy to resolve.
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We want people to change because they see better ways of meeting their needs at less cost, not because of fear that we're going to punish them, or 'guilt' them if they don't. This applies to ourselves as well.
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