Quote

Four D's of Disconnection: 1. Diagnosis (judgment, analysis, criticism, comparison) 2. Denial of Responsibility 3. Demand 4. 'Deserve' oriented language.

Marshall B. Rosenberg

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Marshall B. Rosenberg
Four
Denial
Language
Analysis
Criticism
Communication
Deserve
Disconnection
Judgment
Diagnosis
Demand
Oriented
Responsibility
Comparison

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Two things distinguish nonviolent actions from violent actions. First, you don't see an enemy and second, your intention is not to make the other side suffer.
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Nonviolent Communication is a way of keeping our consciousness tuned in moment by moment to that beauty within ourselves and others, and not saying anything that we think might in any way tarnish people's consciousness of their own beauty.
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We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather than self-hatred.
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You'll find people less threatening if you hear what they're needing rather than what they're thinking about you.
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When we express our needs indirectly through the use of evaluations, interpretations, and images, others are likely to hear criticism. When people hear anything that sounds like criticism, they tend to invest their energy in self-defense or counterattack. It's important that when we address somebody that we're clear what we want back.
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How I choose to look at any situation will greatly affect whether I have the power to change it or make matters worse.
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Instead of playing the game Making Life Wonderful, we often play the game called Who's Right. Do you know that game? It's a game where everybody loses.
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Interpretations, criticisms, diagnoses, and judgments of others are actually alienated expressions of our unmet needs.
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It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power, status, or resources.
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Compliments and praise, for their part, are tragic expressions of fulfilled needs
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Don't get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand.
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I don't think you can have an authentic connection when one person is diagnosing the other.
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The number one reason that we don't get our needs met, we don't express them. We express judgments. If we do express needs, the number two reasons we don't our needs met, we don't make clear requests.
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Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he'll jump in.
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I believe that the most joyful and intrinsic motivation human beings have for taking any action is the desire to meet our needs and the needs of others.
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Understanding the other persons' needs does not mean you have to give up on your own needs.
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In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them.
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When we judge others we contribute to violence.
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Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our environment.
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It's never what people do that makes us angry it's what we tell ourselves about what they did.
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