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When people hear needs, it provokes compassion. When people hear diagnoses, it provokes defensiveness and attack.

Marshall B. Rosenberg

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Marshall B. Rosenberg
Attack
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Compassion
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More quotes by Marshall B. Rosenberg

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Learning is too precious to be motivated by coercive tactics.
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Expressing our vulnerability can help resolve conflicts.
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When we express our needs indirectly through the use of evaluations, interpretations, and images, others are likely to hear criticism. When people hear anything that sounds like criticism, they tend to invest their energy in self-defense or counterattack. It's important that when we address somebody that we're clear what we want back.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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If you are a jackal, you will try to reassure. Jackals try to fix people in pain. They can't stand pain, but make matters worse by trying to get rid of it. Put on giraffe ears. Try to hear what they are feeling and needing.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the need met.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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Avoid 'shoulding' on others and yourself!
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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I wouldn't expect someone who's been injured to hear my side until they felt that I had fully understood the depth of their pain.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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Empathy gives you the ability to enjoy another person's pain.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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As long as I think I 'should' do it, I'll resist it, even if I want very much to do it.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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We want people to change because they see better ways of meeting their needs at less cost, not because of fear that we're going to punish them, or 'guilt' them if they don't. This applies to ourselves as well.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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If people just asked: Here are the needs of both sides, here are the resources. What can be done to meet these needs? the conflict would be easy to resolve.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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Understanding the other persons' needs does not mean you have to give up on your own needs.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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Instead of playing the game Making Life Wonderful, we often play the game called Who's Right. Do you know that game? It's a game where everybody loses.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in the derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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It's never what people do that makes us angry it's what we tell ourselves about what they did.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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Upset? Ask yourself what this person does that is a trigger for judging them?
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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When we judge others we contribute to violence.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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If we ask two questions, we will see that punishment never works. First: What do we want the other person to do? Second: What do we want the other person's reasons to be for doing as we request?
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he'll jump in.
Marshall B. Rosenberg