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NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action that we now regret.

Marshall B. Rosenberg

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Marshall B. Rosenberg
Trying
Regret
Communication
Meet
Took
Action
Self
Need
Connecting
Needs
Forgiveness

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It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power, status, or resources.
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If people just asked: Here are the needs of both sides, here are the resources. What can be done to meet these needs? the conflict would be easy to resolve.
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Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our environment.
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We want people to change because they see better ways of meeting their needs at less cost, not because of fear that we're going to punish them, or 'guilt' them if they don't. This applies to ourselves as well.
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Whether I praise or criticize someone's action, I imply that I am their judge, that I'm engaged in rating them or what they have done.
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The number one rule of our training is empathy before education.
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In a Giraffe institution, the head nurse job would be to serve the nurses, not to control them. Teachers are there to serve the students, not control them.
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It may be most difficult to empathize with those we are closest to.
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My ultimate goal is to spend as many of my moments in life as I can in that world that the poet Rumi talks about, 'a place beyond rightness and wrongness.
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People have been trained to criticize, insult, and otherwise communicate in ways that create distance among people.
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Punishment also includes judgmental labeling and the withholding of privileges.
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Also, think about your intentionality - are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don't want to do the mechanics without the consciousness.
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We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation.
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We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather than self-hatred.
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Clinical training in psychoanalysis has a deficit. It teaches how to sit and think about what a person is saying and how to interpret it intellectually, but not how to be fully present to this person.
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The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion.
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What bores the listener bores the speaker too.
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