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We want people to change because they see better ways of meeting their needs at less cost, not because of fear that we're going to punish them, or 'guilt' them if they don't. This applies to ourselves as well.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
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More quotes by Marshall B. Rosenberg
Nonviolent Communication is a way of keeping our consciousness tuned in moment by moment to that beauty within ourselves and others, and not saying anything that we think might in any way tarnish people's consciousness of their own beauty.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Labeling and diagnosis is a catastrophic way to communicate. Telling other people what's wrong with them greatly reduces, almost to zero, the probability that we're going to get what we're after.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
NVC suggests behind every action, however ineffective, tragic, violent, or abhorrent to us, is an attempt to meet a need.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Avoid 'shoulding' on others and yourself!
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Regardless of our many differences, we all have the same needs. What differs is the strategy for fulfilling these needs.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
If we ask two questions, we will see that punishment never works. First: What do we want the other person to do? Second: What do we want the other person's reasons to be for doing as we request?
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Fear of corporal punishment obscures children's awareness of the compassion underlying the parent's demands.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Also, think about your intentionality - are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don't want to do the mechanics without the consciousness.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Enemy images are the main reason conflicts don't get resolved.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action that we now regret.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful - but it's a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
We need empathy to give empathy. When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Everything we do is in service of our needs. When this one concept is applied to our view of others, we'll see that we have no real enemies, that what others do to us is the best possible thing they know to do to get their needs met.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
With empathy, I'm fully with them, not full of them — that's sympathy.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Don't get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
People heal from their pain when they have an authentic connection with another human being.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Praise and reward create a system of extrinsic motivations for behavior. Children (and adults) end up taking action in order to receive the praise or rewards.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Punishment also includes judgmental labeling and the withholding of privileges.
Marshall B. Rosenberg