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When congress is in session no American is safe.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Congress
Safe
American
Session

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We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we ever invented, which was human liberty.
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I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.
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Don't dream your life, but live your dream
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More than once I have been humiliated by my resemblance to God the father He is always longing for the love of His children and trying to get it on the cheapest and laziest terms He can invent.
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I am the entire human race compacted together. I have found that there is no ingredient of the race which I do not possess in either a small way or a large way.
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The cayote is a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry. He is always poor, out of luck and friendless. The meanest creatures despise him, and even the fleas would desert him for a velocipede.
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... No photograph ever was good, yet, of anybody - hunger and thirst and utter wretchedness overtake the outlaw who invented it! It transforms into desperadoes the weakest of men depicts sinless innocence upon the pictured faces of ruffians gives the wise man the stupid leer of a fool, and the fool an expression of more than earthly wisdom.
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The Impartial Friend: Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all--the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.
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Knowledge becomes wisdom only after it has been put to good use.
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Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first! Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer
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The joy of killing! the joy of seeing killing done - these are traits of the human race at large.
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You cant reach old age by another man's road, my habits protect my life but they would assassinate you
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In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination
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A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditch digging.
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My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess second, don't drink - to excess third, don't marry - to excess.
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On with the dance, let the joy be unconfined.
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A sincere compliment is always grateful to a lady, so long as you don't try to knock her down with it.
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Whenever the human race assembles to a number exceeding four, it cannot stand free speech.
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Education that consists in learning things and not the meaning of them is feeding upon the husks and not the corn
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The heart is the real fountain of youth.
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