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When congress is in session no American is safe.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Session
Congress
Safe
American

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The equator was wisely put where it is, because if it had been run through Europe all the kings would have tried to grab it.
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I have always been rather better treated in San Francisco than I actually deserved.
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A marriage. . .will give a new gladness to the sunshine, a new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth, and a new mystery to life.
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As a boy, I once saw a cart of melons that sorely tempted me. I sneaked up to the cart and stole a melon. I went into the alley to devour it, but no sooner had I set my teeth into it, than I paused, a strange feeling coming over me. I came to a quick conclusion. Firmly, I walked up to that cart, replaced the melon - and took a ripe one.
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How slow and still the time did drag along.
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Your friends may love you in private but your enemies will hate you in public.
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Do you reckon Tom Sawyer was satisfied after all them adventures?
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There are no accidents, all things have a deep and calculated purpose sometimes the methods employed by Providence seem strange and incongruous, but we have only to be patient and wait for the result: then we recognize that no others would have answered the purpose, and we are rebuked and humbled.
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A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.
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It isn't safe to sit in judgment upon another person's illusion when you are not on the inside. While you are thinking it is a dream, he may be knowing it is a planet.
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Choosing not to read is like closing an open door to paradise
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When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend.
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Tis Better to Sit there and LOOK the fool, than to open your mouth and prove it.
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All emotion is involuntary when genuine.
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In the beginning of a change the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.
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He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
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It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head.
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Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
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