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When congress is in session no American is safe.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Session
Congress
Safe
American

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Eight grown Americans out of ten dread the coming of the Fourth, with its pandemonium and its perils, and they rejoice when it is gone-if still alive.
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But it was ever thus, all through my life: whenever I have diverged from custom and principle and uttered a truth, the rule has been that the hearer hadn't strength of mind enough to believe it.
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There are people who think that honesty is always the best policy. This is a superstition. There are times when the appearance of it is worth six of it.
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It is a pity we can't escape from life when we are young.
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Let us guess that whenever we read a sentence & like it, we unconsciously store it away in our model-chamber & it goes, with the myriad of its fellows, to the building, brick by brick, of the eventual edifice which we call our style.
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But I reckon I got to light out for the Territory ahead of therest, because Aunt Sally she's going to adopt me and sivilize me, and I can't stand it. I been there before.
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It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
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Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.
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The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.
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I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
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All war must be just the killing of strangers against whom you feel no personal animosity strangers whom, in other circumstances, you would help if you found them in trouble, and who would help you if you needed it.
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The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.
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Politicians, old buildings, and prostitutes become respectable with age.
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If you have to swallow a frog, don't stare at it too long.
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Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.
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There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press
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If you want love and abundance in your life, give it away.
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Sum all the gifts that man is endowed with, and we give our greatest share of admiration to his energy. And today, if I were a heathen, I would rear a statue to Energy and fall down and worship it!
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Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
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When the world is made to be idiot-proof, the world will become overpopulated with idiots.
Mark Twain