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Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
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More quotes by Mark Twain

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We love old travelers: we love to hear them prate, drivel and lie we love them for their asinine vanity, their ability to bore, their luxuriant fertility of imagination, their startling, brilliant, overwhelming mendacity.
Mark Twain
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A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining.
Mark Twain
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The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
Mark Twain
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Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.
Mark Twain
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Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
Mark Twain
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There are some natures which never grow large enough to speak out and say a bad act is a bad act, until they have inquired into the politics or the nationality of the man who did it.
Mark Twain
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I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.
Mark Twain
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If we learned to walk and talk the way we learn to read and write, everyone would limp and stutter.
Mark Twain
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Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growths
Mark Twain
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Pilgrim's Progress , about a man that left his family, it didn't say why. I read considerable in it now and then. The statements was interesting, but tough.
Mark Twain
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Armor is heavy, yet it is a proud burden, and a man standeth straight in it.
Mark Twain
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I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.
Mark Twain
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I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.
Mark Twain
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Let us draw the curtain of charity over the rest of this scene
Mark Twain
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A newspaper is not just for reporting the news as it is, but to make people mad enough to do something about it.
Mark Twain
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I never felt so fervently thankful, so soothed, so tranquil, so filled with the blessed peace, as I did yesterday when I learned that Michael Angelo was dead.
Mark Twain
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Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights...sexual intercourse!...His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values.
Mark Twain
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No child should be permitted to grow up without exercise for imagination. It enriches life for him. It makes things wonderful and beautiful.
Mark Twain
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He [George Washington Cable] has taught me to abhor and detest the Sabbath day and hunt up new and troublesome ways to dishonor it.
Mark Twain
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I have damaged my intellect trying to imagine why a man should want to invent a repeating clock, and how another man could be found to lust after it and buy it. The man who can guess these riddles is far on the way to guess why the human race was invented - which is another riddle which tires me.
Mark Twain