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Twenty-four years ago I was strangely handsome in San Francisco in the rainy season I was often mistaken for fair weather.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Fair
Handsome
Four
Mistaken
Often
Season
Years
Twenty
Weather
Twenties
Strangely
Fairs
Rainy
Seasons
Francisco

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Loyalty is a word which has worked vast harm for it has been made to trick men into being loyal to a thousand iniquities, whereas the true loyalty should have been to themselves - in which case there would have ensured a rebellion, and the throwing off of that deceptive yoke.
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I bring you this stately matron named Christendom, returning bedraggled, besmirched, and dishonored from pirate raids in Kiao-Chow, Manchuria, South Africa, and the Phillipines, with her soul full of meanness, her pocket full of boodle, and her mouth full of pious hypocrisies. Give her soap and a towel, but hide the looking-glass.
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In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that.
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I said nothing of the sort.
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Never miss an opportunity to shut up.
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Music is a good thing and after all that soul-butter and hogwash, I never see it freshen up things so, and sound so honest and bully.
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Some civilized women would lose half their charm without dress and some would lose all of it.
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To get the full value of joy You must have someone to divide it with. After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
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Familiarity breeds contempt. How accurate that is. The reason we hold truth in such respect is because we have so little opportunity to get familiar with it.
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It is a shameful thing to insult a child.
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It is not what a man knows, but what he thinks of in time.
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There is nothing in the world like a persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus and upset the convictions and debauch the emotions of an audience not practiced in the tricks and delusions of oratory
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The frankest and freest and privatest product of the human mind and heart is a love letter.
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I begin to see that a man's got to be in his own heaven to be happy.
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And so when I couldn't stand it no longer, I lit out. I got into my old rags and my sugar-hogshead again, and was free and satisfied.
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Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
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Next you'd see a raft sliding by, away off yonder, and maybe a galoot on it chopping. . . you'd see the ax flash and come down-you don't hear nothing you see the ax go up again, and by the time it's above the man's head then you hear the k'chunk!-it had took all that time to come over the water.
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What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth.
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