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God cures and the doctor sends the bill.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Cures
Doctor
Bill
Bills
Doctors
Sends

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A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.
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We despise all reverences and all objects of reverence which are outside the pale of our list of sacred things. And yet, with strange inconsistency, we are shocked when other people despise and defile the things which are holy to us.
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In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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I felt it was my duty to praise all of God's works with fervent enthusiasm. At the same time I killed flies in my house in a spirit of hatred, exasperation and contempt. My praise to God for all his works was dishonest, the act of killing the fly was honest.
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We take a natural interest in novelties, but it is against nature to take an interest in familiar things.
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Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?
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If all men were rich, all men would be poor.
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I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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The joy of killing! the joy of seeing killing done - these are traits of the human race at large.
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The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.
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It may be called the Master Passion, the hunger for self-approval.
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The exercise of an extraordinary gift is the supremest pleasure in life.
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I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
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A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
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Human beings seem to be a poor invention. If they are the noblest works of God where is the ignoblest?
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