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God cures and the doctor sends the bill.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Sends
Cures
Doctor
Bill
Bills
Doctors

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Peace by persuasion has a pleasant sound, but I think we should not be able to work it. We should have to tame the human race first, and history seems to show that that cannot be done.
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I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but it's never happened yet.
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Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.
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It's easy to make friends, but hard to get rid of them.
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When congress is in session no American is safe.
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it is not wise to keep the fire going under a slander unless you can get some large advantage out of keeping it alive. Few slanders can stand the wear of silence.
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I have thought many times since that if poets when they get discouraged would blow their brains out, they could write very much better when they got well.
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Experience of life (not of books) is the only capital usable in such a book as you have attempted one can make no judicious use of this capital while it is new.
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It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
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Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
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Do good when you can, and charge when you think they will stand it.
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Between us, we cover all knowledge he knows all that can be known and I know the rest.
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We must put up with clothes as they are they have their reason for existing. They are on us to expose us to advertise what we wear them to conceal.
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It is a solemn thought: dead, the noblest man's meat is inferior to pork.
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When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.
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The report of my death was an exaggeration.
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My idea of our civilization is that it is a shoddy, poor thing and full of cruelties, vanities, arrogances, meannesses and hypocrisies.
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I don't mind what the opposition say of me so long as they don't tell the truth about me. But when they descend to telling the truth about me I consider that this is taking an unfair advantage.
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I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: Now here are these two unaccountable freaks they came in together, they must go out together.
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Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
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